One year later

I've been married almost a year. Almost a year - some days it feels like twenty years and some days it feels like twenty minutes. I'm ecstatic that we've made it. I wish more people talked about how difficult the first year was -- my Great Aunt Patty talks about it. I love to hear her story of how she married her husband because she couldn't make rent on her own.

It's been hard. Yeah. But, the good parts have been really good too. Standing next to my husband during some pretty big stuff. Watching Chris finish and get started all at the same time. Spending Saturday mornings getting bagels and reading newspapers. Ripping up carpeting and sanding down natural wood floors. Man, we've had such an interesting year. I've really had fun. It's pretty amazing.

One year later and I still really like spending time with him. Recently, I made a pretty big decision. That while I enjoy having a challenging career, I don't enjoy my life as much. After making this decision, I slept through the night for the first time in a year. The whole vibe in my house has changed. I think even the dog is calmer.

K. looked at me last week - and in all seriousness - told me he wants to start our family. And before you hyperventilate (which was my reaction), we're not thinking of anytime too soon. We've just run through the first part of getting through all the stress stuff -- I'm not about to add a baby to the mix. Yet. But, damn. When the man you love - the man you trust, admire, understand and treasure - tells you he wants to start a family with you it's a little difficult to not jump head-first into Babies r' Us mailing lists and lurking on the mommies-to-be message boards.

Remind me to stay in the moment.

Reading.

The Democrats in the Florida House forced a rare trick this afternoon. With Republicans missing in the House, Minority Leader Gelber moved to read each bill on the docket in its entirety. It was funny to watch. The poor young readers looked bewildered and Speaker Rubio kept keeping order by interrupting the process. No blackberries! No internet! No talking and keep your seats!

HA!

And in other news, my brother apparently graduates from college in two weeks. I'm going to watch it online - he didn't invite me, but I'll be damned if I miss that boy walk across the stage. He's 25 (almost 26) and I'm really proud of him. He might not have invited me - but I guess I didn't get the extra-kick-to-the-gut of him un-inviting me. I'll be cheering little brother.
I'll always be cheering.

Martha-Stewart-On-Crack Weekend

Man -- I need to back to blogging. It's been so busy lately that my head just spins.

I had a weekend alone -- which was lovely. I enjoyed it - until the third night alone. And then I started to get antsy. I'm embarrassed. I should be able to go a week at least without wishing he could teleport home. That said, I delighted in Weird Single Girl behavior. I played and read and drank tea straight from the jug. I poked and plucked and did entirely too much laundry. I danced around the house with Sixty Minute Man blaring. It was goofy and I did enjoy myself.

So, I'm obsessed with curtains lately. Could be because I have a lot of windows. A lot of windows. Or perhaps because I'm obsessed with fabric? Both! I made roller shades and a box valance and the cutest cafe curtains (bedroom & dining room!). So cool -- and all basically no-sew. The roller shade one was the best: check out directions here and then take it to the next level here. I'll try to post some pictures if I ever get a camera (more on that later).

Happy Easter!

Sorry... I realize it's been a month. Damn, I cannot believe it has been a month.

It's been busy in our household - a whole slew of things going on: um... we were both sick with the death. And it was gross. We both got better and then it descended on our house again and wrapped its fingers tight around our throats until we were both hacking and miserable. Oh, the joys of being sick together.

I traveled a bunch and K. had the start of Session and that is not nearly as interesting as it doesn't sound.

I also endured one more round of "I hate the first year of marriage." We're about six weeks out from being married a year and I cannot wait to have this year behind us.

Let's see -- Crazy reared her head this past week. And for about a half-second I considered testing the waters. However, as I have learned time and time again -- that's a futile test. So, it was rather neat that I got through two emails -- and several attached songs - without so much as a tear. All I heard was crazy.

That's about it right now.

Sweet Dorkitude

I woke up this morning with a sore throat and sniffly nose. I can't tell if I'm getting sick or if it's just pollen. I say just -- the entire world looks like it was sprayed down with guldens mustard. And this is only the beginning.

I went to the movies on Friday night with my boyfriend. I say "boyfriend" because K. got there early and bought tickets and I was a little late and it was like showing up on a date when you're nervous and wondering if you remembered to shave your legs because, like this is the night.

Okay, moving on. Juno made me cry. Weep actually. When CJ Craig told off the snarky ultrasound tech I burst into tears. Man, Lynda - you would totally do that. And it would be fun to watch. I think I might have gotten all the baby emotion out though. My womb has been thumping lately. So, like that was good.

Saturday was gorgeous -- today was too. Bright bright blue sky - spring is everywhere. We stopped by the baseball game and then met one of my clients for dinner. Oh man, then to the pleasantville, ahem, Southwood... The housewarming party we went to was lovely -- and the home is absolutely beautiful. I drove out wondering why we weren't buying a house where I could have granite countertops...

I'm watching the Oscars with my husband tonight. He's been pretty wonderful lately. I'm not sure what I did to deserve this, but man am I thankful. We are so blessed.

Weekend Wrap Up

It's been a delightful weekend here. Delightful. It's early spring everywhere you look - dogwoods blooming, cherry trees bursting -- and man, I could go on and on about the Camillas. And while the pollen is slowly covering every inch of my world, the beauty of seeing shades of pink and yellow against the bright blue sky is so incredibly worth it. (You should have heard me on Saturday cooing over the fact that I was wearing shorts in February).

I had a horrible week at work. So, all week -- all I could think about was happy hour on the porch of Po' Boys. I would walk by certain offices and say, "A pitcher of beer and a straw - it's all I need." And man - that was really awesome. See photo evidence here.

We're on our fourth weekend in a row of newlywed bliss over here. IN A ROW. Now, for those of you who had those easy first years of marriage, I realize this might be a bit of a stretch to understand. I rationalized that since K. and I are moving so fast through relationship hurdles that our first year is like most other's seventh year. (Dog years :: Relationship years). He still catches my eye and winks - still tells me I'm beautiful and even manages to bring me a diet coke now and then. I am incredibly lucky.

I started reading Eat Pray Love. At first, I thought it would be far too bright for me. Wishy. Washy. It's fantastic. Beautifully, smartly written and I am really enjoying it. I've only read through Italy -- but one of my favorite parts thus far was when the author was driving through middle-America writing a petition to God for a peaceful divorce. Michael J. Fox - he signed it. Read the book - seriously people.

And Saturday afternoon, after a visit to Brueger's, Target and getting Pedicures (yes, I capitalized it. It was an event. K. was just enough of an ass on Friday night to deserve some punishment. And instead of breaking something, he accompanied me to get a pedi) -- after all that, we went to Chez Pierre and sat on the porch and drank wine in the setting sun and yes, it really was that ridiculously romantic.

Great weekend. Just what I needed. And, just so you're ready for the First Day of Session evening festivities: check here.

Today is kicking my butt.

And thus today's Dooce moment was entirely necessary:

And I've decided that when I make a million dollars and can afford to pay for frivolous things like diamond-studded toothpicks or battery-powered underwear that continuously warms the butt, I'm going to hire a team of good-looking men with great hair to stand outside of my shower and applaud when I get out and show them what a great job I did of shaving my legs. And they will be paid bonuses based on how much they make me believe them.

I can get through this. I can get through this. I can get through this.

Postponement Never Felt So Good

postponement: an act of deferring, or putting off, to a future time; a temporary delay

I am a procrastinator. So is my husband. You can imagine the problems that arise from two adults who would rather think about that tomorrow. (After all, tomorrow is another day).

So, last week when K. told me he wanted to postpone the Bar, I shuddered. POSTPONE THE BAR??? Every over-sized pore was screaming! WHAT?!?!?!?! And after the initial freak-out, I realized what a smart thing he was doing. He wasn't procrastinating, he was making a smart decision.

There have been quite a few things on our respective plates lately that have nothing to do with the whole "us" mess that's been going on. And he made the right decision. I'm really proud of him.

Plus, what he doesn't know (and I'm not fully telling him, which means I can't tell you dear internet) is that when he walks out 333 S. Franklin in July, I'm going to swoop him up and take somewhere like this:

One more self-indulgent post

So, one other thing -- and this comes from something that I was asked today...
What do I do to soothe, comfort and relax myself? And then, more importantly, what do you expect your partner to do to soothe, comfort and relax you?

MAN. KNOCK ME OUT. I looked at the guy -- um, have we met? Do you understand that I'm trying to be self-sufficient here? I'm not a kittens and hearts kind of girl. What are you talking about???

And then, it donned on me - I have absolutely no idea. I have no idea what the K. kid could do to make me relaxed... Happy? Yeah, sure - he could start doing the dishes on a regular basis or wash my car and I'd be ecstatic. But, relax? Soothed? Are you kidding? It's not like I want him to draw me a bath.

What an interesting question - one I think we're going to try to figure out. Coming from a household where all efforts were directed at the Queen -- it wasn't about what made me soothed, it was about what soothed her. (I swear people, it was Mommie Dearest) So, I'm pretty excited about all this - this discovery of what it means to us.

Soothing? Am I the only person who immediately thought something dirty?

The Other Side

Aiight. So that first year of wedded bliss thing -- for me at least, it's been total bull shit.

The last few months stunk. I thought I had made an awful decision and I hoped - with all my heart and soul - that I had not made yet another massive mistake.

I should have had a little more faith. The incredible opportunity that hit K. and I with the speed of a freight train two years ago was a once in a lifetime thing. But, since it wasn't quite the norm - we didn't meet in college, we didn't date for two plus years, we didn't get to know each other's families slowly -- there was no deliberate path that we followed other than racing to be with one another. Since it wasn't the norm, I wondered if what we had done was too extreme.

The three month dating whirlwind filled with travel, crazy parents and summer romance... The insta-engagement (no, I wasn't preggers). It was all so sudden. And, at the time, nothing had ever felt so right - so sure. Which is why the months of marriage we've logged (almost nine) seemed a personal affront. WTF happened to US?

Well, I'm not saying we're back (although I think we are almost there), but I will confidently assert that if this ever happens again - the derailment - because it will, I know we'll know how to get back. So far I'm counting the good days; it's been nine in a row - and I know that soon the days in a row when we haven't fought or broken wine glasses or stormed off or felt afraid will grow in number so that I don't count them anymore -- they just are.

So, to any newlyweds out there that are wondering what they're doing --> get thee to a good psychologist. No one knows how to do this right; and if you've had less than perfect (or hell, downright weird) examples, you might need a little tweaking.

I am so glad he didn't let me give up.

How can you not believe?

I am so ready for tomorrow.
I get goose bumps.

Things I Learned About My Dad

IN THERAPY.

No, the words didn't really need to be that big or bold or pink for that matter... But, whatcha gonna do.

Dooce has gathered essays and written about dads. As my clock seems to be ticking louder and louder these days - concurrent with my lament that my husband and I can't possibly be ready for children - I wonder about fatherhood. About what it feels like.

There are many things I will never know about - Thailand's infrastructure, kidney mash, what it is to be blind (I could go on). And I will never know what it feels like to be a father -- despite having one, having a variety of fatherhood figures in my life - despite wanting to be a team member in a parenting pair.

So, on to my Dad. Mel. Melvin if I was feeling particularly snarky. He was strong. Growing up he used to work out in our basement and I remember him lifting lots of things. He had a fantastic ability to be there - where ever there needed to be. It was a phone call, an email, a scribbled note. He was always present - always supportive, never taking over the moment.

Now, this I say are my impressions of my father as a child. As an adult, I saw something COMPLETELY DIFFERENT. So, maybe that was a lesson in and of itself -- nothing, no one is ever exactly what they seem. (How damn scary that you left me with that. How damn scary that trust and predictability seems to be the thing I cannot get past.)

Lessons though -- not impressions, but lessons... I think my faith has a lot of its roots in my father's teachings. He loved to go to church - to read us the Bible. I think if he was ever able to escape the shackles of his wife he would go back to being the man he was supposed to be.

And I... I'm glad he warned me. I remember him telling me I was becoming a Dragon Lady like my mom. I knew, through his mistake, his sacrifice that I needed someone strong. Not just physically strong - I can hire someone to move the dining room hutch - but someone emotionally strong and grounded. Thank you Dad. In a round about way, I think you might have saved me there.

I wish I could save you. I wish I knew more about you. Why things are still so secret. Why you won't talk to your parents. I wish I knew why you won't get out. Lessons: I know you've got more to give. It's a damn shame you aren't around to give them.

So, anyway can't wait to read the book. Dude that was a pretty visceral reaction. You should probably pre-order at Amazon.

Simple Pleasures

A ripe clementine.
Watching the victory speech of a political candidate that has transcended horse race politics.
A chick-fil-a diet coke (with caffeine).
A warm, soft blanket.
Drumline on a Sunday morning. (shut up, I'm waiting for Meet the Press).
Seeing familiar faces standing behind the next POTUS on a South Carolina stage.

This weekend has been something else. Watching history take place in South Carolina has been amazing. Amazing. Knowing how race shades every issue in the south - which I dare to say that you cannot realize until you have lived there, really lived there.

I am encouraged - enticed - seduced. I am ready for this man to take over; to bring our nation back on track. To refocus our energy and efforts on rebuilding the inside of this phenomenal country.

Damn. Great weekend.

You know it's bad

when your husband, after saying something particularly ridiculous, says, "This is going on the blog, isn't it?" I don't have the heart to tell him that the three readers who come to this site every day aren't really his fan base...

And now I can't even remember what he said. So, go figure.

I'm almost deliriously happy today -- which makes about as much sense as caffeine-free diet coke. My not-boss (although no one has told him he's not my boss) has been throwing me under the bus the last few weeks. Which is interesting on so many levels. One being that I had never even heard the term, "Thrown under the bus," prior to working at this agency.

Meanwhile, my husband is finally working. And I don't say "finally" in a negative way. Oooooh no! This is excellent! Highly excellent! He's dressed - in grown up clothes - when he gets home from work. And he's excited and happy and challenged. And still studying for the Bar -- let us not forget that all important test looming in our future.

I think we should do something nice for ourselves afterwords... I'm just not sure at the moment. He's never had a massage...

Okay, I'm off to work. It's Thursday!

Various & Sundry x 42

So, it's been rather busy the last two weeks in our household. Kramps was a turd (he'll probably read this and say, "Turd Ferguson" and I'll roll my eyes). But, we've gotten through the turd period and we're moving forward. Amazing.

So, there are various things on my mind - here are a few:
1) Some folks are traveling to pitch to a chicken processing plant. I suggested the Palestine Garden (hat tip KatieCali) instead. We'll see. I'm crossing my fingers.
2) We have a wedding in Orlando in early March. Despite my annoyance with a Sunday afternoon wedding, I have been perusing Anthropologie and have come up with two possibilities for this occasion - the Rain-In-Spain Shift or perhaps the Lovesome dress. Which brings me to...
3) Nutrisystem. I'm stalking my 44.2 lb delivery (it's in Atlanta tonight). I am so excited. Yeah, yeah I know... but I'm more excited about the fact that I don't have to cook for a while. Which brings me to...
4) Soup. It's cold and rainy tonight in Tally and I made Broccoli & Cheese Soup (from Cooking Light). Y'all - it was so yummy. Thick and creamy and delicious. FYI - I used leeks instead of onions.
5) I'm sick of hearing BarBri lectures coming from the office. Seriously, I had to put a stop to him falling asleep with his iPod (contracts pushed me over the edge).
6) I am loving - LOVING - American Idol this year. I'm waiting for Charleston's auditions and can't wait to hear about the contributions of one MSS.
7) I am addicted my new little NANO. I love her - her name is Lucy. I'm on a BritPop kick... Alice Russell and Lily Allen are two of my faves.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is all I've got at the moment.

Sidelines.

Many years ago, I met one of my favorite politicos. We were cheering for Fritz as he drove in to WYFF to meet Inglis for a debate. Tonight, watching the back-to-back debates, I saw the same practice. The announcer acknowledged what I've always suspected -- the cheering is for the candidate.

This particular politico and I would meet again and again - and I miss his slow southern drawl, interesting perspective and generous compliments. (Wow, that made me homesick for the SCDP) I remember arguing about Gore, at the steps of the Township at a State Convention. He was a Gore supporter, I favored Bradley. Someone new - someone fresh - someone who would change the world.

I knew he was supporting Hillary - from a conversation long ago. I figured he wouldn't have changed, although I can't tell you that for sure. Regardless, after watching the debate tonight, I was honestly surprised at her performance. There's always that moment -- whether in a campaign, on a football field, or on a first date - that moment that either makes it or breaks it. In my opinion, this was Clinton's moment. "But I've already made change," she says.

Damn. It wasn't enough that she got angry or even that John was kissing up to Obama so hard that I almost felt bad for Elizabeth. This was a debate where she couldn't lose her cool, and yet that's exactly what she did. I don't think she was particularly mad at Obama or John or even Bill. She seemed like the popular kid who had just moved to a new high school and didn't have a date on Friday night. Petulant. I thought this article did a good job of explaining it too.

And, as for the Republicans... I thought the first few hits to Romney were good, but McCain took it too far. He sounded like a bitter ex-wife. I also thought it was interesting that Romney flat out defended pharmaceutical companies. (I personally don't care how many commercials they run about finding the cure for Alzheimer's - I think they're awful).

All in all, a very good political evening. K. and I even enjoyed ourselves -- probably because neither one of us can really speak right now.

I am so rad.

It's nearly midnight on Friday night and I'm reading food blogs, planning my Publix spree tomorrow morning. I am sick. SICK - no voice, save for the raspy, pleading whining that begs Chris for the occasional glass of water. I am so cool.

So, I'm looking of recipes for the coming week -- veggie ones -- and of course, after looking for basics at Cooling Light or FoodTV, I head on over to my favorite food blogger, Smitten Kitchen. Today, she's featuring Goulash. And it looks delicious.

Did I mention that my husband is 1/4 Hungarian? He makes a mean Paprikash and I adore stuffed cabbage and his Hungarian Tomato Sauce. The interesting thing is that Deb mentions, in her post, that she collects tins of Paprika. CHRIS DOES TOO. Ohmygoodness, I now have something in common with this kitchen inspiration.

I know, I'm excited too. Chris buys Paprika constantly. Each time he makes a Hungarian dish, while not weekly, a brand-spanking-new red tin takes up residence in my cramped kitchen. WTF? I asked him once - demanded to know why he was wasting the $2.19 every month on a new paprika. His answer? He's keeping the Hungarian economy afloat.

Kid's quick.

Oh IowA!

Days like this, I miss Laurin Manning. When national media is so focused on the horse race, when Meredith Vieira has the audacity to ask Obama for a "straight answer" on how important it is for him to win in Iowa, when Fox News blares from another room -- I miss her analysis and pithy commentary.

I have not chosen a candidate. But I am damn excited for two folks today. I hope the weather in South Carolina is as favorable as it is today in Iowa.

Birthday #27

My birthday is one week away. I will be twenty-seven years old.

Several things seem to be floating around in my noggin:

• This will be my first birthday when my Grami does not call early in the morning to sing me Happy Birthday and tell me that she loves me. She would tell me the story of how I blew spit bubbles at her as she held me - her first grandchild. She was the second person to hold me. How precious this knowledge is to me now.
• This is my second birthday in Tallahassee with Chris. Last year he put a candle in a half grapefruit and it was the cutest thing (weirdest thing) ever. Can't wait for this year's Birthday Bunny.
• Yes, I still celebrate Birthday Bunny and I never plan to stop.
• I love the story about the snowy night in January, 27 years ago. There was a full moon and my mother had bought bags and bags of groceries - she was nesting.
• I am twenty-seven years old. Well, almost. And that's the oldest I've ever been.

Twenty-seven.I am so glad I'm alive. I'm so glad that I'm loved. I'm so glad that I still smile when I think about my birthday.

Stretch A Penny

My husband told me he never knew I could stretch pennies so far. To be perfectly honest, neither did I.

In the past, money and I didn't quite get along. I loved spending it - loved thinking about it - loved making endless spreadsheets. The problem was I had no clue what to do with it. Overspending wasn't an occasional woe, it was a constant disaster.

So, one of my goals in the next two years is to eliminate the bulk of our debt. Considering our student loan totals, I know we won't get rid of all of it in two years (or ten). However, by 2010 - I plan to have zero unsecured debt. More than that, instead of dreaming of our first house, I plan to be earnestly looking for our first home.

It's exciting - incredibly scary - planning for two years from now. I cannot believe it. We started walking this week. Me with George and my new iPod Nano, Lucy (yes, I named my iPod). Chris listening to Barbri on his iPod and occasionally making a snorting noise. Walking - just walking. We did one mile and then one and a half -- we're slowly getting back into shape (hoping to get back into shape). We're eating lots of tomatoes and wheat and fiber.

I want to start a family. And it's going to take me two years to get ready. And it's going to be fun and weird and we're bound to love it and hate it and question our decision.
Don't say I never did anything for you kid.