Nerves.

This was the first weekend in I don't know how long that I was in Greenville - and nothing bad happened. I was having major panic attacks this past week - dreams of my crazy parents, dreams of my late grandmother, dreams of my hometown... And you know what, despite a canceled flight and a whole day delay, once I pulled onto 85 from GSP - I was home.

The whole weekend was fantastic. When I was a kid and my whole family would get together, I would practically shake with excitement. Hearing their voices - the voices of the women that weave together my family, smelling their cigarette smoke. I felt the same way, sitting on that bench at Table Rock. I sat and chatted with my aunt past dusk - hearing the song of the mountains. And you know, for the first time that I can remember there were no deep or dramatic conversations. I didn't need reassuring or assuaging.

We were happy. I love my family - the now family - the family we've cobbled and duck taped together. I met my cousin -- the most beautiful, beautiful baby I have ever seen up close. I know this is cheesy - and it is - my heart is so full.

*Me, nervous about going home? No ma'am.

State Workers

Dude. Florida's in budget hell right now - deals are flying across hallways faster than I can down a diet coke. One of the ideas to balance the budget (and plug that half billion dollar hole) is to punish state workers. Punish - yes, that's my terminology. Some might think a 5% pay cut is not punishment, but I'm guessing those people have had a raise in the past three years.

I do believe some of state government is redundant - and reflective of office procedures that better belong in history. However, the great majority of workers are doing jobs you don't want to do. We're talking everything from prison dentists to budget analysts to the folks who make sure your unemployment check makes it to your mailbox.

What are we thinking? A 5% cut is an income tax directed only at state workers. My other big fear is that a 5% cut will hurt the small businesses in this quaint town. Could the real chamber of commerce please stand up?

*If only the House would get behind some gaming and cigarette "user fees" we'd be all set.

Diet? Or the economy?

I've been shopping for some new clothes recently... I can only wear Seminole T-shirts so many days in a row.

I've discovered - happily - that I'm a size smaller. I'm talking a jeans size smaller. This is big news for me as I've been unsuccessfully battling my hormones for control of my body for more than a year. All of a sudden buying clothes seemed a lot more fun. I could place a cardigan in my shopping cart at Target without covering it up with something else (the XXL-size shame equivalent to buying condoms at Publix).

As I went on the Tallahassee Shopping Spree (Target, Old Navy & Macy's OH MY!), I had a thought... What if I haven't really gone down a size? What if it's all a scheme to make me buy more clothes in this tough economy? After all, once I'm empowered with the notion that I'm shrinking, I must outfit my new body. I'm on to you, mega-shopping centers. And I like it.

*Looking forward to the next economic downturn and a size 12.

Waiting for takeout.

I was waiting for dinner tonight (I think I've cooked four times in the last four months), and a woman sat down next to me. I barely looked up - I was playing on my phone and internally huffing over the wait.

She leaned over and asked to see my ring. I was completely taken aback. What? I mean, seriously? As I lifted my left hand she grabbed it. Apparently she had just gotten engaged (after 2 1/2 years she complained). I offered my congratulations. However, the weirdness didn't stop there.

She went on to suggest that marriage wasn't any fun and she wasn't actually looking forward to getting married... I mean, obviously a good attitude to have a few days into an engagement. Obviously.

Thankfully, my take out arrived at that exact moment and I was able to escape. As I was driving home, I realized it's less than a month and I will have been married for two years. TWO YEARS people. When did that happen?

*I'm still having fun.

The Taurus

I love reading other blogs. And these days, it seems that's all I'm doing. I stumbled across Uppercase Woman a few months ago and really enjoy her pithy commentary. Yesterday, she wrote about her favorite car here.

I have had quite a few cars... And while my first thought is to offer up the Red Saturn Vue that was an engagement present, my favorite car of all time has to be my first one - the Taurus. It was a beige (I think my Dad called it sand) 1995 Ford Taurus and man, we were close friends.

My Dad drove it for a year or so before he turned it over to me. At the time, I was devastated. When you go to high school with the sons and daughters of the managers over at the BMW plant, it's easy to expand your expectations. Despite the fact that I was downright giddy at getting a car, I sort of wanted to pick something out myself. (You know, like my brother did a year later. I'm not bitter.)

However, on the day it was turned over for good - I sensed it. FREEDOM. I put a purple peace frog on the back window, purchased in Georgetown, of course. Also, let us not forget, the pink bumper sticker with some sort of vegetarian message. I love animals? Don't eat them? Something like that. I was so set for my 1.25 mile drive to high school. Ahhh, suburban middle class hippiedom.

That was when gas was .89 cents a gallon. We used to fill up just to drive around. I tutored one of my friend's brothers for gas money. So two of my friends - oddly, both named Erin - would get in the front seat of the Taurus and we'd cruise around Greenville... All in the front seat. It was hysterical. EVERYTHING would fit in that car. And I hauled it around.

My father sold it during my freshman year in college and I was so sad. Two more beige-ish Tauri followed. After that, I'll never buy a beige car again.

Humor.

We're watching that cute GE commercial where the cute Asian woman catches the eye of the cute Asian man in a remote village. You know the one, he trips and she ends up being the doctor that takes the X-ray.

- K. turns to me and mentions that China doesn't have a capital gains tax.
- Oh, really, I say.
- Yes. I'm learning mandarin. We're moving.

Oh my goodness, am I kept entertained.

Sunday calls for chicken.

Or, what is a statement I overheard while leaving Publix this evening, for $200.

I thought it was funny... especially since it came from a fifty-something gentleman on an obvious date. As I left Publix with my silver polish, jet dry and chocolate cake (yes, it's Sunday and I will eat some cake dammit), I was glad that I wasn't on a date at fifty-something. Not that I think it would be the end of the world or anything - but I can't really fathom it.

It's amazing how some things seem out of the realm of possibility. Sort of like moving to Florida? Perhaps, my friends, perhaps.

Guilt.

I walked to my mailbox today, having not retrieved my mail since Thursday. At once I felt bad for the environment and my mailperson. We're talking at least 10 pounds of catalogs people: Pottery Barn, Crate & Barrel, Land of Nod, Pottery Barn Kids, Title 9... Um. WTF?

Global Warming? My mailbox is to blame.

Many things...

Sorry I've been sort of MIA. I've been traveling - and I'm tired. This weekend, I hope to do nothing but be at home. After six weekends of straight travel, I need a break. K. and I plan to do little but catch up on the DVR, play with the Wii and nap. Maybe a movie if we're feeling feisty.

• What's with all the red velvet cupcakes? I mean I love red velvet cake as much as the next girl - after all, rv cake is my go to cake choice for pity parties (don't ask), but I've had four separate conversations with very different people about red velvet cupcakes. Is there something I'm missing?
  
• I have nails. Now before you roll your eyes at the obviousness of that statement, let me explain that I bite my nails. A lot. A lot a lot. And I have nails. And they're strong and lovely and feminine. I am amazed at myself. Am I finally calm? Is this what happiness is - the ability to get a manicure without the woman clucking at my bad habits? Fantastic, I tell you.
  
• Stalking every Wal-Mart, Target and Best Buy between here and Charleston was totally worth it. We are the proud owners of Wii Rock Band. And I am kickin' K.'s ass.
  
• Jeopardy! is having online qualifying quizzes on Tuesday, Jan 27th. Fingers crossed and prayers said, K. will actually go through with it. I think I need to tempt him with this payoff.
  
• Love, love, love Mrs. O and everything she wore. I am so excited to have a First Lady that I can not only respect (I did respect Mrs. Bush), but aspire to.
  
• I have many thoughts about the inauguration. I'm working on figuring out how to express them.
  

That's it for now. Y'all have a good weekend. Ahhh, I will!

She must get me.

I don't know this blogger - I only subscribe to her lovely blog, Bakerella. You probably should as well.

Even though we've never met, I can't help but think she'd get me.

Who pays?

Man, that is one set of cohones. The gov isn't sure if he's going to the inauguration, but more importantly, he's not sure who will pay. (link here)

Really?

That's what you're worried about? Have you been invited Mr. RINO? Because I'm pretty sure, that while Florida was a key victory for the Obama campaign, you had nothing to do with it. How about stop taking free trips on Florida's dime (lest we forget the Europe debacle), and instead do something to help the failing schools and crumbling roads in Florida. Perhaps - dare I ask - make sure there's money to match SCHIP when Florida's authorization expires in March? Hmmmm.....

Never, just never.

I will never watch Momma's Boys. It is ridiculous.
Done.

gism, weekend wrap up

Ladies & Gents - this has been a jam-packed few weeks. Christmas, NYE, my birthday... and next weekend we get ready to celebrate a new administration and a newly challenged leader. It's too good to be true!

I feel like I spent this past weekend driving - we headed south for a wedding. I think weddings are romantic. After meeting my husband at a wedding, it seems as though the cheesy-factor goes through the roof. I love seeing two people who are well matched entering into this covenant. This wedding was gorgeous -- the bride was all glow-y and the groom had the best poker face I have ever seen. I got to hang out with old (and new friends) and thoroughly enjoyed watching The Tambourine. JFC, I will come down for a Saturday. Or hook up the Wii for a double date (and I feel a little silly writing that out. Holla.).

Also, this whole grace in small things thing... I feel silly making a list every day. Mainly because, weaving through this whole blog thing, are little elements of where I find grace. In my husband who brings me a diet coke for a Friday surprise. In the relief of being appropriately dressed for a wedding (can you believe someone wore WHITE?). In a new dog toy that is stuffing free. In the card my parents-in-law gave me, the one that makes me feel like a real part of the family. In the sweetness of three birthday cakes. In the strength of surviving another year - growing in my faith, growing as a person and getting past that which holds me back.

I see grace in so many ways - okay, so a list is a definite way of making a point of the whole thing. Pausing to take notice. etc. I might not do it every day, but in case you were wondering, I've never had to do something every day for it to be real.

ps. Would you ever ever wear white to a wedding? One that wasn't your own?

Signs on the side of 19

(and man, I wish I'd taken a picture).

TRUCK
PARK'N

KNIVES

And when we came up to the spot with truck parking - well, it was a treat. Not only could you purchase knives there, but also laying hens. Obviously the two things go hand in hand. Obv.

practice makes perfect

It's true - practice takes perfecting. Or um, practice makes perfect. I'm not what you would call laid back. I doubt one would even say that I tilt. So this whole laissez-faire thing I got going? It is shockingly lovely.

The fact that K. is getting this whole birthday thing so right? Only took three years. Imagine what next year will be like. People, I had Birthday Bunny with a South Beach Egg Souffle cup (sparkly candle and all).

I'm incredibly happy to have been alive for twenty-eight years. And I am stoked to start this next one. I've been writing at M&MD for three years now. Can't believe the change my life has taken since then.

Thank you and thank God.

Birthday Cake

I'm pretty much a psychological bully. Poor K., he doesn't know where to turn about this whole birthday thing. I want a cake; I don't want a cake. I want it to be white cake with plum flowers; I want a chocolate cake with raspberry filling. The poor guy.

Knowing that he sort of fell short of expectation in the birthday department the last two years, the bar was set high. And I'll admit, I think birthdays are really important. Like, as in my favorite day of the year.

Today, when I realized that I had royally confused K., I took matters in my own hands. And not because I was angry or upset or sad or disappointed. I did it because I know that my husband, as a heterosexual Republican male, probably cannot differentiate between lavender and plum (and yes, I threw in the Republican barb just for laughs). And you know what, that's okay. SHOCKING.

So he'll pick it up (honey - Publix on Friday) and I'll be happy. He makes life easy for me all the time, why not return the favor?

gism #4

1. Finding the exact code I need and the ability to implement it. Ahhh, geekdom.
2. Ordering my own birthday cake without feeling like a controlling bitch or a woe-is-me Debbie Downer.
3. Figuring out that the dress for this weekend's wedding is already hanging in my closet.
4. Looking at the dark chocolate leftover Christmas candy and moving on - quickly.
5. The feeling of excitement about tomorrow - fear is at a minimum.

I wonder if this whole grace thing isn't some elaborate ploy to develop a daily blogging habit. Hence why I wish I could figure out a way to keep it on the side nav. Regardless, I had a wonderful thing happen to me: around 1 pm when I swung by McD's to purchase my first diet coke of the day (large, light ice) I realized how grateful I was in all the elements that made it possible - a short line, money, a car (you can't walk through the drive thru), the gift of literacy and sight and a body that can handle the intake of one diet coke a day. Yes, I'm down to ONE.

I'm glad I had that moment - and not just at night when I try to write this list. Yeah! Already the habit is rubbing off...
1. Beating K. at Wii Bowling. Still have a lot to learn about boxing.
2. Living in a place where flip flops are not just tolerated, but encouraged.
3. Refund checks that appear out of the blue.
4. New OPI for Sephora (metro chic) nail polish, sort of cross between gray flannel and lavender.
5. Pictures from NYE where I look fantastic instead of fat (and I don't feel bad about saying that, as I am only a few days away from getting closer to thirty, sort of).

gism

Hi. Hopefully the return to the real world after your holiday was easier than mine. I am exhausted and am contemplating heading to bed and letting the DVR do the heavy lifting tonight. Also, if any of you brilliant people out there could help me out... I like this whole grace in small things thing, but I wish I could keep it on the side bar, instead of having to post it every day in the main content section. Yes, me = weird. Any thoughts?

Small Things, January 5, 2009
- a sweet husband who scurries to get a cold diet coke in the morning
- a day without carbs (almost made it 24 hours!)
- my bargain Goodwill-found ottoman
- dwindling countdown till seeing my aunts at the beach
- mail: three cards that didn't make me pause and five thick glossy catalogs that did

Excited about television.

Yes, yes I am. Especially since the DVR is now in my life and I have perfected the fast forward x 4... So here's my short list:

Big Love (HBO) - it's back after a looooooong hiatus.
Burn Notice (USA) returns for its first winter season.
Lipstick Jungle (NBC) - don't laugh, it's actually not bad.
Trust Me (TNT) - a new show that looks to modernize Mad Men. Can't wait.
Secret Diary of a Call Girl (SHO) - Billie Piper is awesome.
How I Met Your Mother (CBS), Life (NBC), Chuck (NBC) and The Mentalist (CBS)

And let us not forget the trainwreck Real Housewives of the OC - I love it!