So, as soon as I blog about my inability to be happy -- here I am talking about the last few trips. It's all relative. We were hoping to go to the family reunion in PA, but Gram hadn't shaken her cold, so we went to the beach instead. Dude. George likes to swim.
Last weekend we headed to Atlanta for one of K.'s retreats. It was another lovely weekend - even in the hottest city in America. Unlike New York - which I loved - it was like an overweight woman (small bone structure). The Aquarium was quite awesome. I want to go swimming with the whale sharks. I hate little kids who bang on the plexiglas. I had to curb the (very strong) desire to throw them in the tanks.
Oh, and I forgot to give you any glimpse into my Disney weekend -- here are two:
And other encouraging thoughts from my husband. (I should write a book).
The first (and second and third) time he mentioned that I might have a little problem accepting the status quo, I didn't take it very well. I considered the source - my sweet partner doesn't always have a firm grip on reality. Of course I like being happy - it's natural, normal.
That is, until I realized that it's normal and natural for everyone, just not me. In my land, I always had to be prepared, anticipating the next problem and crisis. My ability to be spontaneous wasn't just a skill that floated beyond my grasp - it was as foreign an idea as supporting Dubya. After years of conditioning myself to prepare for the worst possible situation, I realized that the only one creating and/or perpetuating the worst possible situation was me.
My husband, my mate who often - and at his own peril, holds a mirror up to my biggest problems was right. I don't know what to do if I'm not (badly) trying to take care of some problem - real or imagined. Dude, this was a big honking thing to realize. HUGE.
What do you do if you realize that your soul seems to reject being happy? As much as I consciously tried to make myself happy, it didn't seem to work. God helps those that helps themselves, right? I finally felt financially secure, I was losing weight, I was working out, my marriage was going really well, I could handle thinking about my past without the feeling of an elephant on my chest. And yet still, nothing seemed to work. Happiness was a fleeting feeling. It visited, but only for the occasional happy hour.
Thus, I sat down with my soul. I invited some big guns - somewhere along the way I got the idea that I was the right arm of God (I'm not). You know what happens when you really give a problem up to the elements? I mean really believe that the higher power in all its glory can actually do something about the tangible thing going on in your day to day life? It gets better.
And I don't even have to lower my expectations like the Danish.
I was raised watching Auntie Mame with Rosaline Russell. I've written about it once before, and tonight I was flipping through the channels and there it was. Perfect - just what I want to watch tonight.
It's precipitous that I grew up understanding the power of aunts. I look to mine for wisdom and humor; for understanding that can only come from women who knew me before I was born. The last few weeks in our household have been a little twisty.
Some important health concerns have sort of sidelined a few hopes and dreams. After a pity party (I will never forget the importance of a small red velvet cake) and some investigation, seems like we're back on track. I always knew I developed early, I just had no idea that meant I'd age prematurely too.
Anyway, I'm glad to know about Auntie Mame - you should too.
Last week I spent some time (and a large portion of my discretionary budget) at the local Border's. I purchased several fantastic books - Laurie Notaro might just be my new favorite writer. As I walked around, picking up a few books and putting some back, I noticed how many novels are about so-&-so's wife. The Astronaut's Wife. The Time Traveler's Wife. The Preacher's Wife. Once I realized this was a trend, I started looking for similar titles like The Doctor's Husband or The Cop's Partner. There aren't any. While "The Time Traveler's Wife" IS one of my favorite novels, I think I'd appreciate a few more equal-opportunity titles.
pinging around in my head. I've been keeping a little notebook with things that strike me as funny or that I would like to tell you - dear Internets. Of course, I can't find the damn notebook - so here goes:
It's been a busy month already - I had my first trip to New York City. I'm almost embarrassed to write it. My first trips - to both Disney and to NYC in the same summer! I still can't believe it. We went to dinner at this nifty little place (Uva) and sat in the garden. We sat on the wall of Central Park and listened to Jon Bon Jovi.
Married life in year 2 is much better. It's like we had to figure stuff out first... This was our one weekend at home and we went to see Dark Knight. I did not want to go. There was an aversion that ran deep -- I've never seen any of the Batman movies. Go. Run. This was FANTASTIC. Deep and engaging and very very good. Next weekend we're traveling up north again, then Atlanta...
We went to church this morning. It was quite lovely. I'm not sure what's wrong with me - but I get all nervous about going to church. Once I'm there, I'm totally fine - it's the getting ready and walking in that freaks me out. My dear husband was quite perplexed. I had to explain to him that it will take a few months of regular attendance to help me shed the baptist guilt.
And that, that might be it. I'll try to not leave you so long. I have premenopause to tell you about!
I remember watching the Olympics for the first time. Eating a hot dog off of a small orange plastic plate. I remember the thrill of it all. And now, with all the China political stuff and the environment concerns -- it all falls to the side. I'm actually excited about the Olympics. Who knew?
We were riding Splash Mountain and I was becoming completely irrational. It's so HIGH! We're going to DIE! It was my first Disney "big thrill" ride and I had no idea what to expect. I thought all the little kids on the ride should jump out, cling to Br'er Rabbit and hope for the best.
Meanwhile, a father and his young son sat behind us. The dad used every turn as a subtle lesson. Did you see that? What does that mean? Do you remember when...? I was so impressed. Here, in the middle of the Happiest Place on Earth, was this Dad engaging in active learning with his ten year old.
I can only hope to have that much patience someday.
I cannot believe how fantastic, magical and fun my first time to Disney World was. It was perfect. Ridiculously romantic. It really is the happiest place on earth.
Okay, so let's start out by discussing a particularly grueling work week. Chris and I have both been traveling more for work - and as much as I enjoy heading to Jacksonville, three days worth of Florida's First Coast had me longing to be anywhere but. I rented a car in JAX and headed to Orlando early on Friday afternoon. K. picked me up after I dropped off the rental and we headed to the BVP.
We stayed in a resort that I had worked with while at Zimmerman - lovely place. When we arrived at our room, there was champagne and some sort of dip that was just outrageous and I realized I was really in for a fantastic weekend. Damn, K. pulled out all the stops.
Instead of heading out on Friday night, we had room service and went to bed early. Of course, I - like an excited five year old - could not sleep. It took a cocktail and a benadryl before I settled down. We were up early, ate a protein-packed breakfast, and boarded the bus to take us to the park. The Buena Vista Palace is on property, but still about ten minutes from the park.
When we picked up our tickets at Will Call, I got a First-Timer button and K. became an honorary citizen of Walt Disney World. We took the ferry over and when I stepped off the boat, I was in awe. It was amazing.
I'm trying to figure out why I thought it was so amazing. Magic Kingdom is gentle in its beauty - I felt like a kid, like a newlywed. It was special - every detail just so. In an effort to be spontaneous, I eschewed my list of first and second tier rides and Chris and I just traveled around the park. Everything I wanted to do - he made it happen. I am so glad that I got to experience Disney with my husband. Instead of feeling slighted that I never made it as a kid, I think I'm lucky I got to do it with my husband.
We rode all the good rides - and didn't wait hardly at all. I loved the Jungle Cruise - one of K.'s favorites. I loved seeing Swiss Family Robinson tree house -- I remembered watching the movie with my brother and wishing I could be Roberta. Everything lived up to my expectations. My favorite ride, hands down, was Peter Pan. I cooed the whole ride. Space Mountain was fantastic -- I could not believe it! Hall of Presidents was really neat too -- as was the Carousel of Progress. It rained all afternoon and it didn't even phase us!
It was an amazing day. We stayed till about five and then headed back to the hotel for dry clothes and a shower. And, um, a short nap. (We're old). I had wanted to check out Epcot, but it closed early on Saturday. With K.'s assurance that we'll come back for the Food & Wine festival in the fall, I agreed to instead check out Pleasure Island. It was so cool!
We had a fantastic dinner in Downtown Disney - the Portobello Yacht Club was really quite good. Great staff. And then we headed to the Adventures Club (Kungaloosh!). It is an understatement to say that Chris fit right in. Hysterical waspy-ness. We did go to three dance clubs too... But let's face it, eccentricity is much more our style than a revolving dance floor. We ended up closing it down.
What a weekend. What an incredible weekend. Chris said it was just great to see my face light up the whole day. I watched parents corral cranky children; I have huge respect for the parents. I watched little kids just explode with happiness when they saw Mickey or Belle. I cannot wait to go again. I cannot wait to go with my children. I wish I had something original or unique to say... Last night I dreamt I was floating over the Peter Pan ride. I love the memories I made there. Chris, thank you for bringing me to Disney - finally!
I make a monthly trip to the Fresh Market. If I had my druthers, I would shop there weekly. Chris and I would eat beautiful meals - the diversity on our plate would be show-stopping. But, then I remember that I live around the corner from budget-friendly Publix. Needless to say, Publix usually wins.
So, a few weeks ago - I believe it was my May trip... I found this. Vosges Mo's Bacon Bar. It's chocolate. It's bacon. IT'S TOO MUCH.
Y'all, I love chocolate and I love bacon -- but the two together? Milk chocolate and applewood smoked bacon? No, no and no.
Why would you eat this? I considered that it might find purpose in a chili recipe? But really? I just don't like it.
My elementary school song was to the tune of "It's a small world everywhere." Most of my friends at that point had heard the original. In Disney World. However, I am twenty-seven and have never been to the Magical Kingdom.
Now that I have lived in Florida for almost two years, I've been lobbying to go to Disney. AND NOW? My persistence is paying off. I am heading to the Magical Kingdom this weekend. I have no idea how I'm going to get through the week.
When K. surprised me yesterday, I yelped like a little kid. I cannot wait!!!
The hubby and I traveled to Tampa this weekend to witness two fantastic people wed. It was a lovely event - and so good to see friends. I met some of K.'s old friends that I had not met during the previous two football seasons and OMG I might try to run away with Silah.
I totally obsessed over this wedding. I have absolutely no idea why. EVERY DETAIL required a committee of approval. I had a ball. One of my favorite moments - "I can't help but get emotional at weddings. We met at a wedding. We got married at a wedding." I forgave his sentimentality due to the five gin & tonics that came before the statement.
1) Beth - thank you. You have renewed my personal faith in blogging. Virtual high five! 2) Smoothies can be good. Do not underestimate the power of a frozen banana. 3) Husbands will do the dishes. Remember The Promise. 4) And me? Well I counted and I've got five vacations this summer. It's like the summer I've always dreamed about. And one of those vacations - I'm going to see Journey. And I cannot wait.
Our Sundays are usually slothful. We are above and beyond lazy. We are ambitious in our laziness. One takes the bed and the other a comfortable chair and we dally between good books and bad Sunday TV.
We celebrate the weekend with a weekly Bagel Date. Started when both of our jobs pulled us in every direction but toward each other we met for a weekend Bagel Date. Yes, I can see that you would think this was sad - but really, you just don't understand the beauty of a salmon bagel and a giant diet coke on a Saturday morning.
We missed it on Saturday, so this morning I ran out to procure the bagels, coffee and a paper. I got in K.'s car -- mine need gas - and was immediately disgusted by the messiness of his car. It seemed very odd that he went through his glove compartment and threw things about, but then again K.'s an odd dude.
By the time I returned with hot coffee and bagels, the feeling that something was wrong kept growing. Where was his Tom-Tom? His iPod? When I got home I asked him if he was looking for something in his car last night. Yeah, he wasn't. We got robbed.
His car, my car and our neighbor's car. And considering the call from the officer I just received, apparently a few more down the road. Damn it to hell. Far more excitement than a normal Sunday. Hope you're happy with our iPods you loser. (I'm pretty sure he doesn't read my blog. Yes, I know. Thanks.)
I saw it. Last night, I sat in a packed theater and watched Carrie, Samantha, Miranda and Charlotte. It was fantastic.
Delicious. Exactly what I wanted. I couldn't get enough.
Finally! Closure! The movie was visually appealing and gut-wrenching in all the right spots. I teared up twice and once I couldn't stop from sniffling. I loved seeing the girls. I just did. It was like visiting with old friends.
And part of that was remembering friends who weren't afraid to be themselves. Who weren't uptight or stodgy. Who could talk about sex and men and relationships and know that love didn't always mean sex and vice versa. It was remembering talking with a friend about how to give a perfect blowjob. About watching an episode and calling a friend RIGHT after to discuss how I needed to get laid. About knowing something I didn't know about before. The reason this movie means so much to me is because of how I remember my life within much of its contexts.
I will never own more manolos than I do pairs of flip flops. I consider a pair of Nine West an extravagance. C'mon, I drive a saturn. But, I do understand consoling a girlfriend, shoe shopping, laughing with people who know what you did last night. I do understand what it is to be a young woman - wanting it all: career, love, family. And I'll be damned if that's easy.
There were scenes that I loved - New Years Eve with Miranda. Damn, I missed Katie Cali so much. And then others... somewhere in the middle of it I remembered that my first love was getting married (he got married Friday night). Not that I counted our time together in number of episodes, but I remember the day that I finally felt like I could survive without him (forgive me, I was VERY young) and the episode I watched.
I loved it. Hated all the gladiator shoes. Even with the Korean woman sitting next to me translating it for her husband, I loved it. I loved that women in the theater clapped at the good scenes and swooned where appropriate.
I'm going tonight and I cannot wait. I started watching the gals in high school with my best friend Josephina. Each Sunday we'd gather at my house and watch episodes like Funky Spunk. It was - to be honest - a little above our understanding. But, we'd absorb and then discuss.
I remember once, while at the beach on vacation, our rental house didn't have HBO so the entire family - Grami included - crashed a local Holiday Inn to watch the episode we were waiting for. I cannot remember which episode, but I remember laughing. A lot.
That's the thing about a long lasting tv show - whether it's Seinfeld or Sex & The City - part of the affinity is the life that occurred outside of the TV show. Katie Cali and I used to talk about it all the time. I judged if a friend was worthy if she knew what was written on the post-it note or if she remembered early episodes with Carrie's bad hair.
I'm wearing HEELS tonight for the big Tallahassee premier. I bought them years ago at Main & Taylor during one of their seasonal sales. I plan to drink a cosmopolitan and giggle, laugh and chortle. Not necessarily in that order.
It's Memorial Day this weekend. Not sure if you knew about that. It's the three-day weekend that represents the start of summer.
Hallelujah!
The whole Tallahassee clan is heading down south for some sun and sand. I absolutely cannot wait. It's been far too long since I've dipped my toes in the gulf!
Yes, I know it's only Tuesday night. But I'm excited. You would be too if you could come to the beach with us!
Today, a little before lunch time, I was completely shaky. I couldn't focus. I couldn't stop thinking that something was just a little bit wrong.
I chalked it up to not eating breakfast. For about three weeks now, since starting the Metformin, I've been eating breakfast. I've fallen in love with vanilla almond granola over vanilla yogurt. Today I thought I'd be a little adventurous -- SMOOTHIES. It was a mess. A plain yogurt flavored block of mushed up frozen fruit. It didn't even smell appealing. I digress...
And then tonight, I figured it out. You know how some people have a sixth sense? I have it! I usually get all shaky and weirded out when parental craziness is in the works. The days that I get crazy-grams (and it's been quite a while) I can usually figure it out. Needless to say, we got one tonight.
Dude, a spreadsheet? Really?
I'm not waiting for the other shoe to drop. For the past two years - for the first time in my life - I have both shoes firmly on my feet. And I know where I'm going. Parents, you are not invited.
Last night Chris and I watched Jon & Kate Plus Eight. Cute. Adorable. Funny. And man -- all those babies! Oh my goodness! I've been thinking about twins lately... One shot - one pregnancy - and yet two kiddos! Perfect! They can share a car!
Anyway, that's a lot of living in front of an unknown audience. And then Dooce talked about it -- how her daughter, Leta, might resent her because she blogged about their lives. The thing I appreciate is knowing I'm not alone.
Seriously -- knowing that Kate got pregnant even though she has pcos? It's fantastic. Reading A Little Pregnant or DINKS or Bipolar Lawyer Cook or Fussy or Smitten Kitchen? I am not alone. Intellectually, I knew I was never alone. But I don't know my neighbors names, and I don't think I'd feel the urge to discuss a recipe let alone the discuss the fact that I'm bipolar or that I'm finally maxing out my Roth IRA or that I'm reproductively-challenged.
I got a lot of flack from my estranged parents when I wrote simple things like how they weren't involved with wedding planning... (They weren't). It makes me laugh. I don't air dirty laundry on here -- but I do discuss the day to day and random stuff of my life. I love blogging and I love reading good blogs.
Keep it up people. I love what you do. Keep doing it please. I never know what I'm going to stumble across, what I'm going to learn, laugh at or feel. Thank you.
As every pundit will tell you - the Clinton campaign does not have the delegate count for success. It's at this point that the problem states of Florida and Michigan raise their heads. And, yes - I know that a million bloggers are - at this very moment - discussing the pros and cons of counting my vote. I just don't think it's right.
I'm not mad at Chairman Dean or at Superdelegate X -- I'm upset with Karen Thurman and the Executive Committee of the Florida Democratic Party. They broke the rules. They are the reason why my votes (and countless others) will not be counted. Florida pushed ahead of the line - and more than that, the FLDP knew the consequences. It was clear -- a teenager rebelling against a parent.
Rules make our party work. And while all of us have had to dust off our calculators and algebraic know-how with our percentage-takes-all primary system, it's what we have. Rules don't just form our Party; rules form communities and our nation. I realize, as liberals, we like to bend and often break rules -- but when we start disobeying the rules we agreed to -- we stop the process.
Senator Clinton - I have had the utmost respect for you for years. In Middle School, I wrote an essay about your life and your service to our nation. I thought you were an inspiring First Lady and your time in the Senate has been tremendous. But please, please for the good of the nation, for the good of Democrats and for the sole purpose of preventing John McCain from ascending to the presidency -- please end your campaign.
I watched Dooce today (seriously, I've been waiting since 8:30 am) and if there was any respect left for Kathie Lee Gifford it is completely gone.
The woman who made me giggle when I was home sick as a child is a dinosaur. I thought Heather was going to gag when Kathie Lee called her a lovely lady. I gagged when she said she didn't know how to use computers.
I'm sorry -- all you people who refuse to get comfortable with computers -- it's as if you refused to use a telephone. Or INDOOR TOILETS. Get over yourself. If you were 88 years old and it was 1998, you might be considered cute. At this point, you just look sort of sad.
Yesterday I started a new medication that promises to change my life. I'm pretty excited - and nervous. Before I left the doctor she told me all about the side effects (which, having read the gazillion message boards, I felt okay with). It's nothing all that weird - nausea and related stuff.
So, when I was informing K. of the side effects - namely farting, all he said was: "Try to keep up bitch."
the days before Sine Die. Last year (and then again this year) I seemed to forget that Sine Die was FRIDAY and instead celebrated Thursday with wild abandon.
Ha! Funny, huh? So now it's Sunday and I can bear to look at the sun without cringing. It's gorgeous in Tallahassee today. And all I want to do is go to the beach. Anyone for a last minute vacation?
On Saturday, we endured the longest graduation speech I have ever heard. It was draining and the only humorous part was watching the graduates twitch with boredom on the floor of the Civic Center.
Nonetheless, I am always moved at the tradition and pomp of graduation ceremonies and Florida State University's graduation was no exception. My sister-in-law received her Masters Degree in Early Childhood Education. We cheered when she walked across the stage - I think she heard us even though she claims she was concentrating on not falling. It brought back happy memories of graduations gone by - both friends and my own.
I also got the bug. The go-back-to-school bug. I even looked up possible programs. We'll see. Let's just say I won't be attending any more graduations this year.
as I wait for 9 pm and the Real Housewives of NYC Reunion.
Apparently, after taking a quiz to find out which housewife I am most like, turns out I'm most like LuAnn. I'm thrilled. She's one of my favorites on the show.
However, as I pondered posting this new nugget of information on my Facebook page - I realized that I was as excited about being LuAnn as I was being Miranda.
Are the Real Housewives our substitute Sex & the City Gals? Serioulsy?
Last night - late - I read emails dated a year ago today. It was intense. Wait, I was intense. WHAT DO YOU MEAN THE CHAIR COVERS ONLY COME IN IVORY? I NEED CHAMPAGNE. !!!!
Much calmer these days. And today I was asked what we were going to do to celebrate our anniversary. In my head, I was thinking two things: I finally get to eat cake and sex. I think the two really go hand in hand. That's my fantasy -- year old cake and married sex. I can hear your jealousy.
I'm not sure. I'd love to take the day and head to Apalachicola for some oysters and sun. That might happen. Or perhaps we'll lay on the couch watching bad movies. Everything's possible. I've been married a year and I love my life. What couldn't happen?
I've been married almost a year. Almost a year - some days it feels like twenty years and some days it feels like twenty minutes. I'm ecstatic that we've made it. I wish more people talked about how difficult the first year was -- my Great Aunt Patty talks about it. I love to hear her story of how she married her husband because she couldn't make rent on her own.
It's been hard. Yeah. But, the good parts have been really good too. Standing next to my husband during some pretty big stuff. Watching Chris finish and get started all at the same time. Spending Saturday mornings getting bagels and reading newspapers. Ripping up carpeting and sanding down natural wood floors. Man, we've had such an interesting year. I've really had fun. It's pretty amazing.
One year later and I still really like spending time with him. Recently, I made a pretty big decision. That while I enjoy having a challenging career, I don't enjoy my life as much. After making this decision, I slept through the night for the first time in a year. The whole vibe in my house has changed. I think even the dog is calmer.
K. looked at me last week - and in all seriousness - told me he wants to start our family. And before you hyperventilate (which was my reaction), we're not thinking of anytime too soon. We've just run through the first part of getting through all the stress stuff -- I'm not about to add a baby to the mix. Yet. But, damn. When the man you love - the man you trust, admire, understand and treasure - tells you he wants to start a family with you it's a little difficult to not jump head-first into Babies r' Us mailing lists and lurking on the mommies-to-be message boards.
The Democrats in the Florida House forced a rare trick this afternoon. With Republicans missing in the House, Minority Leader Gelber moved to read each bill on the docket in its entirety. It was funny to watch. The poor young readers looked bewildered and Speaker Rubio kept keeping order by interrupting the process. No blackberries! No internet! No talking and keep your seats!
HA!
And in other news, my brother apparently graduates from college in two weeks. I'm going to watch it online - he didn't invite me, but I'll be damned if I miss that boy walk across the stage. He's 25 (almost 26) and I'm really proud of him. He might not have invited me - but I guess I didn't get the extra-kick-to-the-gut of him un-inviting me. I'll be cheering little brother. I'll always be cheering.
Man -- I need to back to blogging. It's been so busy lately that my head just spins.
I had a weekend alone -- which was lovely. I enjoyed it - until the third night alone. And then I started to get antsy. I'm embarrassed. I should be able to go a week at least without wishing he could teleport home. That said, I delighted in Weird Single Girl behavior. I played and read and drank tea straight from the jug. I poked and plucked and did entirely too much laundry. I danced around the house with Sixty Minute Man blaring. It was goofy and I did enjoy myself.
So, I'm obsessed with curtains lately. Could be because I have a lot of windows. A lot of windows. Or perhaps because I'm obsessed with fabric? Both! I made roller shades and a box valance and the cutest cafe curtains (bedroom & dining room!). So cool -- and all basically no-sew. The roller shade one was the best: check out directions here and then take it to the next level here. I'll try to post some pictures if I ever get a camera (more on that later).
Sorry... I realize it's been a month. Damn, I cannot believe it has been a month.
It's been busy in our household - a whole slew of things going on: um... we were both sick with the death. And it was gross. We both got better and then it descended on our house again and wrapped its fingers tight around our throats until we were both hacking and miserable. Oh, the joys of being sick together.
I traveled a bunch and K. had the start of Session and that is not nearly as interesting as it doesn't sound.
I also endured one more round of "I hate the first year of marriage." We're about six weeks out from being married a year and I cannot wait to have this year behind us.
Let's see -- Crazy reared her head this past week. And for about a half-second I considered testing the waters. However, as I have learned time and time again -- that's a futile test. So, it was rather neat that I got through two emails -- and several attached songs - without so much as a tear. All I heard was crazy.
I woke up this morning with a sore throat and sniffly nose. I can't tell if I'm getting sick or if it's just pollen. I say just -- the entire world looks like it was sprayed down with guldens mustard. And this is only the beginning.
I went to the movies on Friday night with my boyfriend. I say "boyfriend" because K. got there early and bought tickets and I was a little late and it was like showing up on a date when you're nervous and wondering if you remembered to shave your legs because, like this is the night.
Okay, moving on. Juno made me cry. Weep actually. When CJ Craig told off the snarky ultrasound tech I burst into tears. Man, Lynda - you would totally do that. And it would be fun to watch. I think I might have gotten all the baby emotion out though. My womb has been thumping lately. So, like that was good.
Saturday was gorgeous -- today was too. Bright bright blue sky - spring is everywhere. We stopped by the baseball game and then met one of my clients for dinner. Oh man, then to the pleasantville, ahem, Southwood... The housewarming party we went to was lovely -- and the home is absolutely beautiful. I drove out wondering why we weren't buying a house where I could have granite countertops...
I'm watching the Oscars with my husband tonight. He's been pretty wonderful lately. I'm not sure what I did to deserve this, but man am I thankful. We are so blessed.
It's been a delightful weekend here. Delightful. It's early spring everywhere you look - dogwoods blooming, cherry trees bursting -- and man, I could go on and on about the Camillas. And while the pollen is slowly covering every inch of my world, the beauty of seeing shades of pink and yellow against the bright blue sky is so incredibly worth it. (You should have heard me on Saturday cooing over the fact that I was wearing shorts in February).
I had a horrible week at work. So, all week -- all I could think about was happy hour on the porch of Po' Boys. I would walk by certain offices and say, "A pitcher of beer and a straw - it's all I need." And man - that was really awesome. See photo evidence here.
We're on our fourth weekend in a row of newlywed bliss over here. IN A ROW. Now, for those of you who had those easy first years of marriage, I realize this might be a bit of a stretch to understand. I rationalized that since K. and I are moving so fast through relationship hurdles that our first year is like most other's seventh year. (Dog years :: Relationship years). He still catches my eye and winks - still tells me I'm beautiful and even manages to bring me a diet coke now and then. I am incredibly lucky.
I started reading Eat Pray Love. At first, I thought it would be far too bright for me. Wishy. Washy. It's fantastic. Beautifully, smartly written and I am really enjoying it. I've only read through Italy -- but one of my favorite parts thus far was when the author was driving through middle-America writing a petition to God for a peaceful divorce. Michael J. Fox - he signed it. Read the book - seriously people.
And Saturday afternoon, after a visit to Brueger's, Target and getting Pedicures (yes, I capitalized it. It was an event. K. was just enough of an ass on Friday night to deserve some punishment. And instead of breaking something, he accompanied me to get a pedi) -- after all that, we went to Chez Pierre and sat on the porch and drank wine in the setting sun and yes, it really was that ridiculously romantic.
Great weekend. Just what I needed. And, just so you're ready for the First Day of Session evening festivities: check here.
And thus today's Dooce moment was entirely necessary:
And I've decided that when I make a million dollars and can afford to pay for frivolous things like diamond-studded toothpicks or battery-powered underwear that continuously warms the butt, I'm going to hire a team of good-looking men with great hair to stand outside of my shower and applaud when I get out and show them what a great job I did of shaving my legs. And they will be paid bonuses based on how much they make me believe them.
I can get through this. I can get through this. I can get through this.
postponement: an act of deferring, or putting off, to a future time; a temporary delay
I am a procrastinator. So is my husband. You can imagine the problems that arise from two adults who would rather think about that tomorrow. (After all, tomorrow is another day).
So, last week when K. told me he wanted to postpone the Bar, I shuddered. POSTPONE THE BAR??? Every over-sized pore was screaming! WHAT?!?!?!?! And after the initial freak-out, I realized what a smart thing he was doing. He wasn't procrastinating, he was making a smart decision.
There have been quite a few things on our respective plates lately that have nothing to do with the whole "us" mess that's been going on. And he made the right decision. I'm really proud of him.
Plus, what he doesn't know (and I'm not fully telling him, which means I can't tell you dear internet) is that when he walks out 333 S. Franklin in July, I'm going to swoop him up and take somewhere like this:
So, one other thing -- and this comes from something that I was asked today... What do I do to soothe, comfort and relax myself? And then, more importantly, what do you expect your partner to do to soothe, comfort and relax you?
MAN. KNOCK ME OUT. I looked at the guy -- um, have we met? Do you understand that I'm trying to be self-sufficient here? I'm not a kittens and hearts kind of girl. What are you talking about???
And then, it donned on me - I have absolutely no idea. I have no idea what the K. kid could do to make me relaxed... Happy? Yeah, sure - he could start doing the dishes on a regular basis or wash my car and I'd be ecstatic. But, relax? Soothed? Are you kidding? It's not like I want him to draw me a bath.
What an interesting question - one I think we're going to try to figure out. Coming from a household where all efforts were directed at the Queen -- it wasn't about what made me soothed, it was about what soothed her. (I swear people, it was Mommie Dearest) So, I'm pretty excited about all this - this discovery of what it means to us.
Soothing? Am I the only person who immediately thought something dirty?
Aiight. So that first year of wedded bliss thing -- for me at least, it's been total bull shit.
The last few months stunk. I thought I had made an awful decision and I hoped - with all my heart and soul - that I had not made yet another massive mistake.
I should have had a little more faith. The incredible opportunity that hit K. and I with the speed of a freight train two years ago was a once in a lifetime thing. But, since it wasn't quite the norm - we didn't meet in college, we didn't date for two plus years, we didn't get to know each other's families slowly -- there was no deliberate path that we followed other than racing to be with one another. Since it wasn't the norm, I wondered if what we had done was too extreme.
The three month dating whirlwind filled with travel, crazy parents and summer romance... The insta-engagement (no, I wasn't preggers). It was all so sudden. And, at the time, nothing had ever felt so right - so sure. Which is why the months of marriage we've logged (almost nine) seemed a personal affront. WTF happened to US?
Well, I'm not saying we're back (although I think we are almost there), but I will confidently assert that if this ever happens again - the derailment - because it will, I know we'll know how to get back. So far I'm counting the good days; it's been nine in a row - and I know that soon the days in a row when we haven't fought or broken wine glasses or stormed off or felt afraid will grow in number so that I don't count them anymore -- they just are.
So, to any newlyweds out there that are wondering what they're doing --> get thee to a good psychologist. No one knows how to do this right; and if you've had less than perfect (or hell, downright weird) examples, you might need a little tweaking.
No, the words didn't really need to be that big or bold or pink for that matter... But, whatcha gonna do.
Dooce has gathered essays and written about dads. As my clock seems to be ticking louder and louder these days - concurrent with my lament that my husband and I can't possibly be ready for children - I wonder about fatherhood. About what it feels like.
There are many things I will never know about - Thailand's infrastructure, kidney mash, what it is to be blind (I could go on). And I will never know what it feels like to be a father -- despite having one, having a variety of fatherhood figures in my life - despite wanting to be a team member in a parenting pair.
So, on to my Dad. Mel. Melvin if I was feeling particularly snarky. He was strong. Growing up he used to work out in our basement and I remember him lifting lots of things. He had a fantastic ability to be there - where ever there needed to be. It was a phone call, an email, a scribbled note. He was always present - always supportive, never taking over the moment.
Now, this I say are my impressions of my father as a child. As an adult, I saw something COMPLETELY DIFFERENT. So, maybe that was a lesson in and of itself -- nothing, no one is ever exactly what they seem. (How damn scary that you left me with that. How damn scary that trust and predictability seems to be the thing I cannot get past.)
Lessons though -- not impressions, but lessons... I think my faith has a lot of its roots in my father's teachings. He loved to go to church - to read us the Bible. I think if he was ever able to escape the shackles of his wife he would go back to being the man he was supposed to be.
And I... I'm glad he warned me. I remember him telling me I was becoming a Dragon Lady like my mom. I knew, through his mistake, his sacrifice that I needed someone strong. Not just physically strong - I can hire someone to move the dining room hutch - but someone emotionally strong and grounded. Thank you Dad. In a round about way, I think you might have saved me there.
I wish I could save you. I wish I knew more about you. Why things are still so secret. Why you won't talk to your parents. I wish I knew why you won't get out. Lessons: I know you've got more to give. It's a damn shame you aren't around to give them.
So, anyway can't wait to read the book. Dude that was a pretty visceral reaction. You should probably pre-order at Amazon.
A ripe clementine. Watching the victory speech of a political candidate that has transcended horse race politics. A chick-fil-a diet coke (with caffeine). A warm, soft blanket. Drumline on a Sunday morning. (shut up, I'm waiting for Meet the Press). Seeing familiar faces standing behind the next POTUS on a South Carolina stage.
This weekend has been something else. Watching history take place in South Carolina has been amazing. Amazing. Knowing how race shades every issue in the south - which I dare to say that you cannot realize until you have lived there, really lived there.
I am encouraged - enticed - seduced. I am ready for this man to take over; to bring our nation back on track. To refocus our energy and efforts on rebuilding the inside of this phenomenal country.
when your husband, after saying something particularly ridiculous, says, "This is going on the blog, isn't it?" I don't have the heart to tell him that the three readers who come to this site every day aren't really his fan base...
And now I can't even remember what he said. So, go figure.
I'm almost deliriously happy today -- which makes about as much sense as caffeine-free diet coke. My not-boss (although no one has told him he's not my boss) has been throwing me under the bus the last few weeks. Which is interesting on so many levels. One being that I had never even heard the term, "Thrown under the bus," prior to working at this agency.
Meanwhile, my husband is finally working. And I don't say "finally" in a negative way. Oooooh no! This is excellent! Highly excellent! He's dressed - in grown up clothes - when he gets home from work. And he's excited and happy and challenged. And still studying for the Bar -- let us not forget that all important test looming in our future.
I think we should do something nice for ourselves afterwords... I'm just not sure at the moment. He's never had a massage...
So, it's been rather busy the last two weeks in our household. Kramps was a turd (he'll probably read this and say, "Turd Ferguson" and I'll roll my eyes). But, we've gotten through the turd period and we're moving forward. Amazing.
So, there are various things on my mind - here are a few: 1) Some folks are traveling to pitch to a chicken processing plant. I suggested the Palestine Garden (hat tip KatieCali) instead. We'll see. I'm crossing my fingers. 2) We have a wedding in Orlando in early March. Despite my annoyance with a Sunday afternoon wedding, I have been perusing Anthropologie and have come up with two possibilities for this occasion - the Rain-In-Spain Shift or perhaps the Lovesome dress. Which brings me to... 3) Nutrisystem. I'm stalking my 44.2 lb delivery (it's in Atlanta tonight). I am so excited. Yeah, yeah I know... but I'm more excited about the fact that I don't have to cook for a while. Which brings me to... 4) Soup. It's cold and rainy tonight in Tally and I made Broccoli & Cheese Soup (from Cooking Light). Y'all - it was so yummy. Thick and creamy and delicious. FYI - I used leeks instead of onions. 5) I'm sick of hearing BarBri lectures coming from the office. Seriously, I had to put a stop to him falling asleep with his iPod (contracts pushed me over the edge). 6) I am loving - LOVING - American Idol this year. I'm waiting for Charleston's auditions and can't wait to hear about the contributions of one MSS. 7) I am addicted my new little NANO. I love her - her name is Lucy. I'm on a BritPop kick... Alice Russell and Lily Allen are two of my faves.
And that, ladies and gentlemen, is all I've got at the moment.
Many years ago, I met one of my favorite politicos. We were cheering for Fritz as he drove in to WYFF to meet Inglis for a debate. Tonight, watching the back-to-back debates, I saw the same practice. The announcer acknowledged what I've always suspected -- the cheering is for the candidate.
This particular politico and I would meet again and again - and I miss his slow southern drawl, interesting perspective and generous compliments. (Wow, that made me homesick for the SCDP) I remember arguing about Gore, at the steps of the Township at a State Convention. He was a Gore supporter, I favored Bradley. Someone new - someone fresh - someone who would change the world.
I knew he was supporting Hillary - from a conversation long ago. I figured he wouldn't have changed, although I can't tell you that for sure. Regardless, after watching the debate tonight, I was honestly surprised at her performance. There's always that moment -- whether in a campaign, on a football field, or on a first date - that moment that either makes it or breaks it. In my opinion, this was Clinton's moment. "But I've already made change," she says.
Damn. It wasn't enough that she got angry or even that John was kissing up to Obama so hard that I almost felt bad for Elizabeth. This was a debate where she couldn't lose her cool, and yet that's exactly what she did. I don't think she was particularly mad at Obama or John or even Bill. She seemed like the popular kid who had just moved to a new high school and didn't have a date on Friday night. Petulant. I thought this article did a good job of explaining it too.
And, as for the Republicans... I thought the first few hits to Romney were good, but McCain took it too far. He sounded like a bitter ex-wife. I also thought it was interesting that Romney flat out defended pharmaceutical companies. (I personally don't care how many commercials they run about finding the cure for Alzheimer's - I think they're awful).
All in all, a very good political evening. K. and I even enjoyed ourselves -- probably because neither one of us can really speak right now.
It's nearly midnight on Friday night and I'm reading food blogs, planning my Publix spree tomorrow morning. I am sick. SICK - no voice, save for the raspy, pleading whining that begs Chris for the occasional glass of water. I am so cool.
So, I'm looking of recipes for the coming week -- veggie ones -- and of course, after looking for basics at Cooling Light or FoodTV, I head on over to my favorite food blogger, Smitten Kitchen. Today, she's featuring Goulash. And it looks delicious.
Did I mention that my husband is 1/4 Hungarian? He makes a mean Paprikash and I adore stuffed cabbage and his Hungarian Tomato Sauce. The interesting thing is that Deb mentions, in her post, that she collects tins of Paprika. CHRIS DOES TOO. Ohmygoodness, I now have something in common with this kitchen inspiration.
I know, I'm excited too. Chris buys Paprika constantly. Each time he makes a Hungarian dish, while not weekly, a brand-spanking-new red tin takes up residence in my cramped kitchen. WTF? I asked him once - demanded to know why he was wasting the $2.19 every month on a new paprika. His answer? He's keeping the Hungarian economy afloat.
Days like this, I miss Laurin Manning. When national media is so focused on the horse race, when Meredith Vieira has the audacity to ask Obama for a "straight answer" on how important it is for him to win in Iowa, when Fox News blares from another room -- I miss her analysis and pithy commentary.
I have not chosen a candidate. But I am damn excited for two folks today. I hope the weather in South Carolina is as favorable as it is today in Iowa.
My birthday is one week away. I will be twenty-seven years old.
Several things seem to be floating around in my noggin:
This will be my first birthday when my Grami does not call early in the morning to sing me Happy Birthday and tell me that she loves me. She would tell me the story of how I blew spit bubbles at her as she held me - her first grandchild. She was the second person to hold me. How precious this knowledge is to me now.
This is my second birthday in Tallahassee with Chris. Last year he put a candle in a half grapefruit and it was the cutest thing (weirdest thing) ever. Can't wait for this year's Birthday Bunny.
Yes, I still celebrate Birthday Bunny and I never plan to stop.
I love the story about the snowy night in January, 27 years ago. There was a full moon and my mother had bought bags and bags of groceries - she was nesting.
I am twenty-seven years old. Well, almost. And that's the oldest I've ever been.
Twenty-seven.I am so glad I'm alive. I'm so glad that I'm loved. I'm so glad that I still smile when I think about my birthday.
My husband told me he never knew I could stretch pennies so far. To be perfectly honest, neither did I.
In the past, money and I didn't quite get along. I loved spending it - loved thinking about it - loved making endless spreadsheets. The problem was I had no clue what to do with it. Overspending wasn't an occasional woe, it was a constant disaster.
So, one of my goals in the next two years is to eliminate the bulk of our debt. Considering our student loan totals, I know we won't get rid of all of it in two years (or ten). However, by 2010 - I plan to have zero unsecured debt. More than that, instead of dreaming of our first house, I plan to be earnestly looking for our first home.
It's exciting - incredibly scary - planning for two years from now. I cannot believe it. We started walking this week. Me with George and my new iPod Nano, Lucy (yes, I named my iPod). Chris listening to Barbri on his iPod and occasionally making a snorting noise. Walking - just walking. We did one mile and then one and a half -- we're slowly getting back into shape (hoping to get back into shape). We're eating lots of tomatoes and wheat and fiber.
I want to start a family. And it's going to take me two years to get ready. And it's going to be fun and weird and we're bound to love it and hate it and question our decision. Don't say I never did anything for you kid.
We had a fantastic night. The Laughing Troupe was hysterical -- I got all the jokes: even the local stuff. I think that might become some sort of tradition.
So, I dated a lot before I got married. Perhaps I use the term "dating" a little too loosely. I had lots of beaus. I did. They were nice - many of them more than nice.
However, Chris has put them and their romantic overtures to shame. He was the first boyfriend to take me away for a weekend... And now, we've got real New Year's Eve plans. We're getting dressed up and heading over to Chez Pierre for dinner. Then, we're going to a late play - a political satire. It could not be better.
Man, I think this marriage thing is growing on me.
Till 2008 - a new year. I suppose I've been paying too much attention to the TV today - as every channel seems to be doing a year in review.
My family had a lovely Christmas - it was beautiful weather down south, even a little chilly. Since we got grades back - and yes, he passed everything - it's been so much calmer here in our little tree-top house. I feel like I can finally take a breath. I can totally (totally) get through the next two months until the Bar Exam. Remind me of this later.
I got an iPod Nano. After admonishing my mother-in-law that I didn't want a big (or little, for that matter) Christmas gift, I am now so overjoyed with my little iPod. I've wanted one for so long... and now I feel like I belong in my generation.
I can't believe that this year is finally drawing to a close. As much as I'm ready to put 2007 to bed, and with as much hope as I have for 2008 - I can't help to pause: 2007 was HUGE. Dude, I got married.
I used to take offense when I heard women say that this was the biggest day of their life. In the moments leading up to and immediately after my wedding day I was let down. That? That was the biggest day of my life? Wowsahs, I have so much to look forward to. It was really huge. It was really great - and what it represents, that I stood in front of God and my family and friends and pledged to be joined to another human for the rest of my life. DUDE.
Unemployment has continued to plague my family. While Chris was figuring out his path and finishing school he didn't work. Which meant that from day 1 of married life - we've been a one-income household. He paid me the best compliment the other day -- he told me I could stretch a penny better than anyone he knew, better than he thought I'd be able to learn. Getting through the past seven months has been daunting, but each day I wake up - and see my life, I smile. January 15th can't get here fast enough!
My grandmother passed away - the woman who I had hoped to learn so many more things... I was greedy. Of course, I find myself saying things or acting in ways that are so purely my grami I cannot help but giggle. I give unsolicited advice and coo at babies, make sure my car has more than enough gas, squirrel away dollars in a re-used plastic container, I pray. She is all around me - us - and I still thank her for giving me the opportunity to experience all this. Sickness, grieving, grace.
I'm so thankful that I like my job - that it's giving me the opportunity to be smart and creative. I'm still trying to jump hurdles and overcome challenges, but I really enjoy what I do. I'm so glad that I've been able to provide for my family.
I have received so many blessings - and so much hardship - and so much joy this year. I cannot help but to hope for 2008. It will be fantastic - with its own mix of blessings, hardship and joys - with its own lessons and new experiences and opportunities. My best to you and yours - Happy New Year!
Last night, I got a comment on my blog (in response to my disgust with the humid weather in Tallahassee) that I was writing dribble - that I was sad, and pitiful.
WOW! That is like SO awesome! I swear, I now sort of identify with Dooce (she publishes her hater mail and it is hysterical!).
"I am sorry to have been alerted to review your blog. It is filled with such dribble and "poor me contments" I find it hard to believe that you still write such stuff. As if anyone cares how horrible your life was. You must work very hard at believing your own propaganda. Of course there is only you that believes your trite. poor you, so sad. so pitiful. "
a) the misspelling is totally his/hers b) this totally beats the gay-hatemail I got, which was probably from one of my father's spurned lovers anyway. c) Dude, you're sorry? ME TOO! Growing up with a borderline-personality mother is really the stuff good books are written about -- I need to start writing a book, not a blog! I would make a fortune. I could even have guest writers pen chapters - past friends and family explain their experiences with these crazy people! Oh my goodness, this is a great idea. THANKS! d) I'm not the only one who believes Tallahassee is hot! Look at weather.com! That's why I put up the picture.
Anyway, that's my latest installment. Whew, that felt incredible!
Thanks Simpsonville, South Carolina! What a great way to start the weekend!
I'm obsessed with being a foodie. And I'm so not one -- but I read the food blogs which I equate to "food porn." I see beautiful recipes and gorgeous pictures and read about escapades making tomato confit or tiramisu cake... And I think: I can totally do that.
More often than not, I'm right. Sometimes. Even if it comes out a little different. I'll admit it, I love to cook.
ps. Tonight I'm making truffles if anyone wants some.
Since the Strike, watching television with my husband is a complete annoyance. He predicts the plot line (and twist) within the first five minutes. I hate it.
I have trouble with Christmas. As a kid (heck, as a pre-teen), this season was my favorite time of year. Find me a kid who doesn't look forward to Silent Night and Santa Claus... It started with my Mom's birthday and continued with Halloween, followed by Thanksgiving which led to my Dad's birthday, Christmas, New Year's and my birthday. It was fantastic. Celebrations, happy times with family -- I loved it all.
Of course, Christmas turned into something different as I got older. There was never enough to please certain people and I'm not all that good with pressure. So, not to be a total downer, but this whole Chrissy-re-educates-herself-so-she-enjoys-Christmas-thing is tougher than I thought.
So, I am baking this Christmas, serious baking. We're talking truffles and biscotti and biscuits and flavored vodkas (the latest installment is ginger vodka to mix with fresh pear juice) and I'm sorta feeling the whole Christmas Spirit thing. And I'm enjoying it - I think. Presents are starting to appear below the tree and our house smells like evergreen thanks to a giant fresh wreath and I found my favorite pair of Christmas socks (a skiing santa).
Although all of this sort of makes me wish I was Jewish. I'd almost be done by now.
It is impossible to feel Christmas-y when it's 80 degrees plus outside. At noon.
I hit some biggies today -- Target, Michaels and Big Lots. It was actually fun dodging the carts, looking for the perfect ribbon and right wrapping paper. I watched Everyday Italian yesterday (while incredibly hungover) and came up with some Christmas gift ideas. Dude, I hope our families like carrots. Oh, and I now have a crush on Giada's kitchen.
I've seen in a while.... The Southern Strategy Group has been sending this one out. (Not that I agree with their politics, but points for panache folks!)
And get K. laughing on a Sunday afternoon: I found a new blog -- Mimi Smartypants.
Go. Go NOW! You will not be disappointed.
excerpt: TWO MORE THINGS AND THEN I HAVE TO GO MAKE A PIE OH MY GOD
1. The Chicago Sun-Times, a very mockable paper indeed, seems to have a new slogan---"Let's Get Into It." I wait for the bus near a Sun-Times vending box, and every morning now I feel all challenged and testy. You talkin' to me, Sun-Times? You want to get into it? Oh yeah, let's get into it. I have some things to say.
2. One of our aquarium fish has given birth and now there is an itty-bitty orange fish zooming around the tank. I blame myself. I neglected to keep the fish busy with afterschool programs and organized sports. I thought we had plenty of time to have that facts-of-life talk and that they teach that stuff in health class anyway. And now we reap the bitter harvest, my fish are Parents Too Soon. PAPA DON'T PREACH, I'M IN TROUBLE DEEP GLUBGLUB. We are all coping with the situation as best we can---Nora has named the little fish Hubert and is naively excited about the development, LT pours himself an extra bourbon and tries not to let on how disappointed he is, I yell into the tank about GODDAMMIT YOU NEED TO AT LEAST FINISH HIGH SCHOOL. Oh, and I also am sprinkling in some extra food and hoping that the teen mom does not decide to simply solve the problem by eating her baby. So far so good. Go Hubert!
---mimi smartypants cranberried your sauce.
ps. Craphonso is from Tallahassee. No freakin' joke.
My live is changing. My life has changed. I know that these two facts will be ongoing challenges -- however, it seems that in the past year my life has changed more than I expected. I remember telling that to my first lover -- that while our teens seemed tumultuous (just think - in one decade we had gone from sixth graders to freshman in college), our twenties would be the biggest decade we've got in terms of major life changes.
And here we are. I'm more than half way through my twenties now -- I've graduated from college, moved from my first (second and third) job, my hometown, my home state. I've reorganized my family, I've gotten married. And, to top all this off - I still rather expect to have my first child in this decade. Man - that's a busy decade.
Where am I going with all this - besides to freak myself out? My friendships have changed. I don't live down the hall - bedrooms away - from the gals that knew all my secrets, knew how to throw a party and probably could tell you which guy I was trying to flirt with at that very moment. And then we all moved around and away -- we got married, involved and started new pursuits.
And everything changed. Some of us are permanently out of cell range - either by choice or because we're too busy with their own lives and our lives have changed. Like mine. I can't say it's wrong. I watch older grown ups -- and see how their friendships have survived the longest lengths of bad cell service. I hope mine can too.
I've watched ER on Thanksgiving... There are freak Turkey accidents and someone always brings in a carrot instead of a thumb.
Nothing quite that dramatic happened. Like, not at all - my mandolin and I aren't getting along this morning. My first turkey Thanksgiving Dinner went quite well. The stuffing, while not exactly like Nana's, will suffice. And the sweet potatoes were quite yummy. The Turkey, thanks to several suggestions, was fantastic -- according to K. anyway... I'm not really a turkey fan. :) I even made my own gravy -- which was really interesting.
The crowning glory of the evening was the Bourbon Pumpkin Cheesecake - quite tasty and even prettier. I loved being lazy all day. It was fantastic...
When we made the decision not to travel for the holiday, it seemed like the perfect idea. After all, it had been eight weekends (and a few weeks) where I had not been in my house. We are both exhausted. And, after discussing our favorite Thanksgiving traditions - we settled on a small turkey breast, green bean casserole and stuffing -- and some sort of pie.
That feast has quickly grown. Little did I know that my husband "needs" a turkey leg. Who am I to forgo that tradition and desire. So... Now we are having a true Thanksgiving feast. The only difference is that our various casseroles and side (save for the stuffing) are made for five servings - not fifteen. I got the smallest whole turkey I could find - 9.5 lbs. (Still too much turkey). We're having Bourbon Pumpkin Cheesecake with a pecan crust because we couldn't decide between Pumpkin or Pecan Pie. Scalloped Sweet Potatoes, Green Bean Casserole, Sausage Sage Stuffing, Mushrooms, Gorgonzola Mac n' Cheese, Blood Orange Cranberry Stuff and Rosemary Turkey Gravy. Whew.
We even got firewood for a fire! And Beaujolais Nouveau! And the makings for Bloody Marys while we watch the parade! And oh my goodness - way too many exclamation marks!
I'm hoping to document the cooking and baking over the next two days. We'll see.
It's my first Thanksgiving - my first real one where I'm doing it myself. I've made a spreadsheet. Planned the oven and stove schedule. Yes, this is nuts. But, at least this is a good test run for the future.
There is so much stuff that keeps reverberating in my head from the past few months. Tonight, a good friend told me that she thought I was handling this whole thing remarkably well. I don't really know about that.
There are so many things I want to write about. Get off my chest. So many things I wish I could sort of vomit out of my life. We all traveled to New Jersey last weekend for the final service. The service was unbelievable. Perhaps it was sitting in the church where my brother and I were christened, where my parents were married, where my aunts were married, where my great-grandparents went to church and my grandmother grew in her faith... Or maybe it was just being in New Jersey -- realizing that my husband's father grew up two small towns over from where my whole family lived. Or maybe it was knowing that my grandmother, the most important woman in my life, was really really really gone from this earth.
After packing up the car to drive over to our flight in Jacksonville, I reached for my phone to call Grami -- to tell her we were on our way. I couldn't help but laugh. And then, cry. As soon as the racking sobs seem to take over my life - they're gone. Wet eyelashes, that's what I've got.
And the parents - the oh so crazy, ridiculous folks that gave me life? Well, I suppose I am forever thankful for entrance into this family - my grandmother, my two aunts, my two uncles - great aunts and uncles and some cousins that are entirely too much fun.
I was incredibly nervous before Saturday. I was apprehensive leaving Florida, anxious while getting ready before the service. It was bad. Until I figured out why -- and after I named that fear, it was gone. Maybe that Saturday will be last time I see my natural parents, maybe not. Either way, I know that I will never have to interact with them again, and that is good.
We brown bagged at a fantastic Italian joint on Friday night. K. was sure it was "connected." I talked with Aunt Patty at length - for the first time feeling like a real, grown-up adult. I have bonded with both of my uncles in new ways. We're planning a Kids Table Reunion that should be quite the party. I met some of my grandmother's oldest friends - smiled and introduced my husband. I realized that I am the eldest of my generation and will most likely be the first to start the next one. I am amazed at all the treasures that are before us.
that the first person I ever lost would be Grammers. Seems right that she would be the one that helped me figure out that dying is not - and should never be - scary.
We gathered - all her beloved family together and she left us. She left us, but only to return in a shower of perfect moments, memories and gentle lessons. I have never met a woman so good, so true of heart, so humble.
My aunt just called from Greenville to let me know about a fire in North Carolina. I paused, listened - six Carolina students? Dead? I jumped on The State and read that the students might also be members of Delta Delta Delta.
The sisterhood at South Carolina has given me strength - may it continue to do so this week. My thoughts are with you all.
I dated a guy once who made me a sports widow. I could barely be in the same room when he watched a game -- let alone talk to him. He didn't watch basketball that much - but that didn't matter, college baseball had started. I vowed that I would never become a sports widow.
Tonight, after eating a delicious dinner of asparagus tart and stuffed mushrooms, K. turned on the USF v. Rutgers game. All things considered, I suppose I'm a Rutgers fan. My maternal family is from Highland Park, NJ - right next to Rutgers (New Brunswick). Go Scarlet Knights!!!
My husband is rather vocal during games. I'd go as far as obnoxious. LOUD. ANNOYINGLY LOUD. Last Thursday when FSU was loosing to NC State, I made him close the windows because I was worried that the family that lives four houses away would fear for their kids' innocence.
While he's passionate about his football, I have no worries of becoming a football widow. He just looked at me - and in all honesty - asked if I wanted to make out during the timeouts. Ahhh, love.
I love the old Ball Coach. I do. I am encouraged and excited and thankful. However, this is wrong... Just wrong.
The State has an interactive game, accessed by clicking here, which allows people to dress up Coach Spurrier. Seriously? I don't want to see Steve in his skivvies. Do you?
The husband and I took the weekend off. While we had friends over for dinner on Saturday night, it was a pretty low key weekend. Which was fabulous.
K. made me a headboard. I'm pretty impressed with the kid lately -- although we have a mutual pact that has all home improvement project on hold. I love how he can take an idea and just make it happen.
And so the week begins. It seems to me that when I've had a quiet weekend, the week seems to start with the force of a hurricane. It's the universe balancing out all the laziness.
1) We got Miami tickets (I think). I've never been to a Miami game, however I can't imagine that Miami fans are any worse than LSU fans. (Have I ever told you that story? 8 am on the Friday before the LSU v. Ole Miss game -- I'm getting coffee on the Square at Bottletree Bakery (it's so amazingly good). Anyway, I turn away from the counter and there are four men in varying degrees of full body paint. It's Friday. 8 am. It's not game day. Those folks are intense).
2) I'm in love with HBO's Tell Me You Love Me. After I got past the sex scenes (of which there are many), I am enthralled in the stories of the couples. It's intimate - and that's why I think I can get past what would be, on any other show, gratuitous sex. It's on Sunday at 9 pm.
3) Today might actually be cool in Tallahassee. I say "cool," when what I really mean is the outside world won't resemble a sauna. WahOO! I cannot wait for fall. I love the month of October. Yesterday, I posted October's Party - which my mom would usually read to us in the beginning of October. K. saw that and sent me flowers yesterday - all he said was "Happy Fall." Who does that? How did I get this lucky?
October gave a party, The leaves by hundreds came. The chestnut oaks, and maples and leaves of every name. The sunshine spread a carpet, Miss Weather led the dancing Professor Wind the band.
The chestnuts came in yellow The oaks in crimson dressed The lovely Misses Maple In scarlet looked their best; All balanced to their partners And gaily fluttered by; The sight was like a rainbow New fallen from the sky.
Then, in a rustic hollow, at hide and seek they played The party closed at sundown and everybody stayed. Professor Wind played louder They flew along the ground then the party ended in jolly "hands around".
Today I walked outside for lunch and I couldn't tell if it was almost spring or almost fall. It was hot, but bright. And the leaves either look they're about to burst or fall off. We don't get much of a fall here in Tallahassee... which Law Hobbit was only too quick to point out this evening.
Okay, so I have a mental illness. Who doesn't these days? I mean, seriously? I think more about finding the perfect buffet for my dining room than I do about the fact that four years ago I was diagnosed with something.
While others choose to make mental illness their life struggle, I don't. It just doesn't seem like something I need to worry about every moment. Do I ever have a day that seems harder than the one before? Sure! However, I think I'm safe to assume that most everyone on the planet has the same experience.
Why do folks who advocate for mental health make it the end-all-be-all? It's important - and it deserves advocates, but I don't think the men and women that advocate for seat-belt laws make it their reason for living.
This weekend has been busy. (And it's only a little after 3 pm).
I took a trip to Destin on Friday, went to dinner with my sister-in-law and fell asleep early. On Saturday, I bought my first piece of real furniture. And by that, I mean a piece of furniture that either: did not come in a box, come with a wood-colored marker or was picked out of the Goodwill Showroom.
None of those things are bad -- in fact, a new desk I bought at Target is much more than I expected. However, with Parent's Weekend approaching, I wanted something real. Lemme tell you -- Haverty's has a clearance room in the back! Overstocks and scratch/dent furniture seriously marked down. I am so excited! It arrives on Saturday.
I returned home to my husband only to discover that he was itching for a project. So, around 3:30 pm on Saturday we started to pull up our carpet. The living room was first, then the hall. I drew the line at the bedrooms or office. We refinished some floors.
So, now -- after renting a sander at Home Depot (www.homedepotrents.com), we're waiting for our gloss stuff to dry. Next weekend it's on for the rest of the house. I feel like I belong on TLC or Design to Sell.
I have a love/hate relationship with Justin Timberlake.
And yet, after reading one of my new daily reads, fourfour, I'm totally over him. You too should read the analysis of the Sexy/Future/IMessedWithBrittany'sHead/Goober Tour. Read it here.
K. found this fact hard to believe. I've gone away for weekend getaways, but never have I been taken. I'm usually the one making the plans. He left me a message on Thursday and told me to pack a bag. He had plans. Plans.
I was swept off my feet. We went to the Forgotten Coast -- it was gorgeous. The oysters were unbelievable, our Inn was just lovely and the weather couldn't have been better. This morning over brunch we made retirement plans for our entire family.It's only been four months (yes, I'm counting), and I am so very glad that I am so much in love with my husband. I had no idea it could be this good.
I was in Greenville all last week. And the Panera in Greenville closes at 9 pm, which does not allow enough time to check both work email and blog.
My grandmother is sick. She's dying -- and, as she'll remind you, we're all dying. She has brain cancer and I've been trying to figure out how much a 6 cm tumor weighs.
The Hospice nurse (I will be praying for their strength until I'm no longer on this earth) said something that resonates... "People die the way they lived. If they lived in denial for thirty years, they'll die in denial. If they lived with spirit, they'll die with spirit."
Thus, she'll be the fighter, the loving supporter and the fascinating woman she's always been. And so far, she's proving me right.
I spent time with her -- and it was incredible. To use a word I use too much, precious. And that might be all I have to say about that. For now.
Not to get entirely too personal -- wait, who am I kidding? So, today I had my Yearly appointment. And I had a great experience. (Which is saying A LOT).
It absolutely threw me -- the having a conversation with a doctor (a trained professional) about planning a family. And it wasn't in vain either; it wasn't solely about preventing. I cannot believe how it threw me.
This might not even make any sense, but all of a sudden I was planning for twenty-six months from now. Twenty-six months, which would make it November 2009 that I should be having a conversation with my husband about what could potentially happen in August of 2010. And how the heck I came up with twenty-six months is still a mystery.
maybe we should try this whole tweeting thing. all the cool kids are doing it.
Last weekend we headed to Atlanta for one of K.'s retreats. It was another lovely weekend - even in the hottest city in America. Unlike New York - which I loved - it was like an overweight woman (small bone structure). The Aquarium was quite awesome. I want to go swimming with the whale sharks. I hate little kids who bang on the plexiglas. I had to curb the (very strong) desire to throw them in the tanks.
