Gettin' Figgy.

I crack myself up.

Meanwhile, I have a pound of figs in my fridge that need to be made into something. Anything. Well, something that travels well - perhaps something I can take to Thanksgiving or even freeze. The figs are gorgeous. Deeply purple.


But what does one do with them? Any ideas dear readers?

Domestic Terrorism.

I blame the Dutch. Why did they come up with the dutch oven? What were they hoping to prove? What point were they hoping to make?

I doubt there was political motivation. No - one night, a particular gassy man decided to prank his poor bedmate and the threat was born. Honed over generations, it's the procedure that makes a fart that more damning.

Makin' Whooppee!

A pastor in East Texas is challenging his congregation to commit to seven days of sex. You heard me (or, um, read me) correctly. Sex. Seven days. In a row. Link here.

At first, I was sort of scandalized. I mean, a preacher talking about sex in the pulpit? Are you kidding me? And then I remembered a marriage book I read earlier this year. It was authored by two ministers who claimed that it was a lot harder to hate someone while sexually satisfied. That it was a lot harder to ignore doing a chore, keeping a promise or being nice when you still had that ahem, rosy glow.

And you know what, they're right. In busy households around the country partners are pulled in three thousand directions. There are so many distractions - responsibilities piled on top of responsibilities. How do we make an effort to connect with our partners? I heard a joke recently, told by a young man with nine brothers and sisters. Apparently his parents didn't have a TV in their bedroom. Hmmm....

The Bible talks about sex - a lot about love between two people. I really believe lovemaking is an important component of a marriage. Will it solve major problems? Will sex save a sinking ship? Will making whoopee rescue your 401k? Um, no.

But the connection achieved by a loving, compassionate and satisfying sex life might help prevent some of those catastrophic problems. It's a lot more fun than couples counseling.

We're watching Paula Deen this morning. She starts slicing into a huge turkey.
Across the room, I hear a rumble... a growl from my husband. "UGH! THANKSGIVING!"

"I WANT TURKEY."

People. Life is never boring in our family.

Want.

Oh you sneaky Anthropologie...
Monograms make me melt. I heart my initials.

Gorgeous mother-of-pearl cuff. Or maybe in black? I'm almost tempted to get a K.Want.

Awesome.

I love bacon. I love bloody marys.

HEAVEN.
Check out The Farmhouse at Serenbe. I must go there soon.

Make me a pie.

There's something about pie and the men in my family. PIE! Pie. PIE! They get on a roll: apple! cherry! strawberry! blueberry! peach! Dear lord, it's as if the only way these men eat fruit is when encased in a crust.

For once, I'm not making something chocolate for a family celebration. Nope, we're talking three serious pies. Pumpkin (using Smitten's recipe), Cherry and Dutch Apple. I didn't quite realize it, but the Dutch Apple pie has been passed down from my great-great-grandmother.

I'm excited. I'm not a huge fan of pie -- I hate apple pie for instance (the Dutch Apple notwithstanding). But something about the pumpkin sounds good. I'm really ready for Thanksgiving. I have so many things to be thankful for this year.

I'll let you know how it goes. I'm charging the camera for the making of the apple pie. I'm going to take pictures. Really.

Pancakes

I don't usually like pancakes. Like, ever. I can remember the exact day that my normal American love of pancakes died... My dad was joking around and uttered, "A moment on the lips, a lifetime on the hips." Ugh! Could he not have said that about - I dunno - french fries? Onion rings? Hot dogs? Nope. Pancakes were ruined forever.

And quite honestly, I'm sort of okay with that. It's not as if I've missed doughy breakfast. Until this Sunday. People, I made some pancakes. And ohmygaw, they were so good I am now a believer.

I used Smitten Kitchen's recipe as a base. But, I didn't have any buttermilk. Instead of using the whole vinegar in milk thing, I added a little sour cream and some fresh ground nutmeg. And I used some leftover cake flour. We're talking light and fluffy. Then, I sliced one apple thinly. Tossed the slices with some cinnamon, nutmeg and brown sugar. I cooked them after making the pancakes and then served the apple stuff on top of the stack. I just now recovered. Wished I'd taken pictures. When will I learn?

Where's Kansas?

Is there anything better on a Sunday than to eat barbecue (thank you Sal for the Carolina Gold!), take a walk on a chilly night and then curl up to a fire and the Wizard of Oz?

I think not.

I need this dress...

Seriously. I hear it calling to me. It's gorgeous.

Now, just somewhere to wear it....

Things I did today,

while hopped up on Mucinex and cough syrup:

1. Read two (2) of the Sookie Stackhouse novels. Easy read people.
2. Shopped online - Talbots Outlet, I heart you big time.
3. Read all the bios of the new chefs on Top Chef.
4. Decided to make all of the desserts for big-family Thanksgiving.
a. Made spreadsheet with possible items
b. Tried to align each family members taste with possible items.
c. Decided I needed to get better quickly.
5. Set up TIVO/DVR Thing to include not only Burn Notice and Dr. Who (K.'s additions), but also Lipstick Jungle and Army Wives.
6. Wished for the zillionth time I liked taking naps when sick.
7. Whined to myself, to the dog and to Chris on the phone, a lot.

UGH.

blah sick.

I am blah sick. And I do not feel good. And I am glad the weather got my memo about behaving appropriately because now it's sort of gray outside instead of like yesterday when everything was bright and beautiful and mocking me because I could barely move from one room to another.

And did you know one of the best things when you think you have the flu, but are pretty sure it's too early to have the flu because your doctor hasn't even warned you to get the flu shot yet? Watching Steel Magnolias. And drinking green tea. And whining. Whining really pulls the whole thing together.

Overwhelmed.

I'm on my knees.

I have never voted for a presidential candidate that became the president. Thank you, President-Elect Obama for changing that pattern. Thank you campaign staff, for working tirelessly to change opinions, fight bigotry and running a cracker-jack campaign. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

I am so looking forward to tomorrow.

Giddy.

I am giddy. I know it's still early, but I'm trying to do the math and I can't figure out how McCain wins.

I have never voted for a winning president. THIS IS AWESOME.

Election Night

Just a quick thought -- I'm currently tuning in to CNN, with occasional switches to NBC/ABC during commercials.

Have you seen the images coming from Chicago and the ones from Phoenix? It's as if the visions of the two campaigns were boiled down and regurgitated in some sort of Who's Victory Party Is It Anyway? episode.

One is open, energetic and swollen with proud supporters. The other is exclusive, small and quiet. Go figure.

GO VOTE!

Seriously people: Go vote.
While I hope you do not cast your vote for a future tended by John McCain, I do hope you exercise your fought-for right to share your opinion.

Let it be a safe day tomorrow for all potential voters. Let it be a day that celebrates the tenets of this great nation, and eschews discrimination and personal gain. I love election day - go get your electoral communion.


Now's the time to go buy a hat and hold the f. on to it. (h/t J. Matt)

Dear Red States:

Dear Red States:
If you manage to steal this election, too, we've decided we're leaving. We intend to form our own country, and we're taking the other Blue States with us.

In case you aren't aware, that includes California, Hawaii, Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and all the Northeast. We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation, and especially to the people of the new country of New California.

To sum up briefly: You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states. We get stem cell research and the best beaches.

We get the Statue of Liberty. You get Dollywood.
We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom.
We get Harvard. You get Mississippi State.
You win on Disney World.
We get 85% of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs. You get Kentucky.
We get two-thirds of the tax revenue; you get to make the red states pay their fair share.

Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22% lower than the Christian Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a bunch of single moms.

Please be aware that Nuevo California will support women's health and the lives of American soldiers, and thus we're going to want all our citizens back from Iraq at once. If you need people to fight, ask your evangelicals. They have kids they're apparently willing to send to their deaths for no purpose, and they don't care if you don't show pictures of their children's caskets coming home. We do wish you success in Iraq, and hope that the WMDs turn up, but we're not willing to spend our resources in Bush's Quagmire.

With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80% of the country's fresh water, more than 90% of the pineapple and lettuce crops, 92% of the nation's fresh fruit, 95% of America's quality wines, 90% of all cheese, 90% of the high tech industry, 95% of the corn and soybeans (thanks Iowa!), most of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools plus Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT. We have mountains, lakes and plains.

With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with 88% of all obese Americans (and their projected health care costs), 92% of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100% of the tornadoes, 90% of the hurricanes, 99% of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100% of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of Georgia. We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you.

Additionally, 62% believe life is sacred unless we're discussing the war, the death penalty or gun laws, 44% say that evolution is only a theory, 53% that Saddam was involved in 9/11 and 61% of you crazy bastards believe you are people with higher morals then we lefties.

Love & Kisses,
XOXOXO
The Blue States
(h/t AJW)

Tight

Earlier this week (read: a week ago), I started having trouble breathing. My chest felt tight. I rifled through webMD in order to self-diagnose. I was relatively sure that I wasn't experiencing heart failure. Nonetheless, I couldn't shake the feeling that I needed to remind myself to breathe.

A year ago - right about now - I was throwing clothes, random clothes, into a bag. I packed seven T-shirts and no socks. The fact that temperatures in Greenville, SC tend to be a bit cooler than Tallahassee didn't seem to connect. I was crying and yelling and trying to make sure that we were ready to leave.

I got a call at work around 3:45 pm; it was time to come home... to say good-bye to Grami. My grandmother died a year ago Monday, the morning of November 3rd. This morning, NPR had something on about the Day of the Dead and a woman from NC called in because she would love to know how her late grandmother would have voted. Her grandmother was born in 1891. I would love to talk to Grami about how she was going to vote. We always talked about the elections. She would patiently listen to my opinions and share hers. I imagine that she would have voted for Obama. Not that she would have been jazzed about it - but I think she would have been pissed about Palin. Pissed at McCain.

My chest is tight. Once I finally figured out that the shortness of breath wasn't because of some weird pre-heart attack, but only mourning coming to visit again, it became easier to cry. The radio played a John Denver song about sunshine and I remember her voice clearly - before sickness and age changed it - singing You Are My Sunshine to me.

I miss you Grami. And I love you.