After the Weeds.

So no lie, I've been in the weeds. Luckily, here in Florida, the weeds have started to look like big, bright blooms.

My husband turned 30 over the weekend. We went down to the beach, ate oysters, made out like teenagers under the stars, flew a kite, and got wicked sunburns. It was perfect. I think I've finally figured out the delicate balance of doing enough to appease my sense of responsibility and not doing so much that it overwhelms the whole event.

K. is back home, and no matter how many times I printed out dissolution of marriage papers, I am glad he is back home. Nearly three years ago I started to believe my word was worth keeping. And I pledged to stay with my husband. Who knew I'd really keep my promise? Who knew that my on-the-side-of-scary-smart husband would have problems walking among mortals? We're all glad he keeps trying.

And the best part about it - we got through it. It was hard, but we're getting through it. It is hard, and it's worth it. How's that for a dialectic?

Just A Little Disappointed...

About the Census. I know, it's a silly thing to be "disappointed" about, right? Right? I know. Dude, I know. Here's the deal - I got our Census packet yesterday. I was really excited. It's my first Census as an adult - with my own household.

When K. and I were researching to see how closely our respective families were related before the wedding (v. important when there are enough freaky cross-overs in our families), I used Ancestry.com to track down relatives. My main sources were Census records. The records were great - more than just names, the Census tracked other information like occupation and heritage and birth place.

The form I got? It's race and name and whether I rent or own. THAT'S IT. Admittedly, my progeny will be able to find my facebook profile and twitter page to make a family tree, but c'mon Census. Where's the tradition? Where's the history?

Strobs.

It's the strangest feeling weekend, in that it doesn't feel like a weekend at all. It feels like I'm playing hooky from somewhere. And I like it.

My husband and I are heading to the beach tomorrow to soak up some sun and take advantage of the fact that we live in Florida. Well, that's what I'm telling him. It's actually because I need to lay in the sun - uninterrupted - for a while. I seriously botched some self-tanner.

Not, self-tanner per se... it was Jergens Glow Foam Moisturizer. I used it last year, and it was fine. Great even... But this time? Oh, this time, it was not like years past. It was not fine. Instead, I have strange, orangey strobs (streaky-globs). It's a disaster - and with all the fine weather we've been having in Tallahassee, emergency measures must be taken.

WHY FDA? Why did you have to take away my only other option, the tanning booth?

Back Waxing

I've never been a fan of back waxing. I think it's strange. Ridiculous, actually. Unless you have a pelt, deal with it. Why, you ask, am I talking about back waxing - a personal maintenance topic that has yet to debut on the blog?

Apparently, our governor has a problem with it. Which is interesting on so many levels - the most obvious being the well-founded rumors about our leader's sexual preference. Charlie went on FOX yesterday and made fun of his opponent for spending $135 at a barber shop.

First, the whole RPOF Amex Scandal has been overplayed. Republicans: heads up - we think you're corrupt. Now we have proof. The fact that your employees bled the coffers dry is a good thing for us -- it means we have the funds to go on the air, travel the state and ELECT GOOD LEADERS.

I just love it when they help us!

The thing about the back waxing comment - and CBL disagrees - it rubbed me the wrong way because I thought it was subtly racist. That's right, I said it: racist. Here's Charlie Crist, a wannabe George Hamilton, making fun of a hispanic man. I don't think Marco Rubio got a back wax - but I think it was inappropriate to make fun of it.

And all I can think about is that Charlie lost the vote of two-thirds of the men in South Florida. Manscaping is SERIOUS business down there.

And now for something completely different...

And because there's so much, let's go to bullets, shall we?

• I'm fat. No, no - before you start telling me that's a nasty word, I am. And it's okay. I've gone a lot overboard the last few years and I'm going to do something about it. I have a new doctor who, I am assured, is aggressive when it comes to thyroid issues. Considering mine is hovering at the 25% operational line, we're gonna get this under control. Because I am wearing this dress to one of the weddings scheduled for September. Well, maybe this dress, maybe not.
  
• I'll be blogging about losing weight. Don't hate me. This won't be a Weight Watchers blog or anything like that (unless WW wants to sponsor me: holla!). It will be about keeping me honest. Y'all hold me to it.
  
• Please disregard the look and feel of the blog. I am in the middle of a redesign and it's going to take a while to get it right... This is not it.
  
• Weddings and looking forward: I'm hopeful on the relationship stuff. Thank you for the support. I was surprised at the feedback - surprised and encouraged. Not that, like, I don't deserve it. It's just tough. People pick sides and I don't want to do that. Anyhoodle, K.'s two best friends, both of whom were in our wedding, are tying the knot in September. I am, at this moment, thinking that I will be a normal married couple by then. How's that for optimism.
• I cry while watching Grey's Anatomy. I'm embarrassed and I am seeking help. It's worse now that several seasons of Grey's are available on netflix instant. It's bad. And good. And emo.
  
• I love watching the RPOF implode. It's excellent. If I used my corporate card for personal items, I would be fired. Even if that is not the case at your office, legislators using soft money to fund their lifestyles is ridiculous. Wrong. Entitled. C'mon guys - the white landed gentry of Florida deserve better.
• I had the luck of finding a Good Samaritan today. I lost my wallet and not only was it found, but the honest woman tracked me down to return it. How did I get so lucky?
• While I was downtown today retrieving my wallet, I saw my first stripper heels of the season. Ladies - I realize you're under the age of 25 and just love strutting. I get that, we all did it at one time or another (thank goodness the style was the Roach Killer and not the stripper heel five years ago). Nonetheless, you're going to kill your feet. And - at some point - you're going to fall. The sidewalks are not your friend. Put the platform 6" heels away. It does a body good.
• And finally, Dear ABC: I hate you for sucking me in to The Bachelor. I have avoided every single episode until this season. I dislike Vienna so much. And Jake on Dancing with the Stars just doesn't fit (am secretly overjoyed to see Kate though, not gonna lie).

The Crypt Keeper

I have been rather cryptic lately, and I apologize. I've been nervous about letting it all out - my mother reads this blog. And the last last last thing I want her saying is "I told you so." (Or, y'know, sending some horrible missive about how I'm getting what I deserve.)

It's no secret that my husband and I met and quickly realized we were right for each other. Kismet. Soul mates. The joke is that neither of us was really ready to be responsible enough for marriage. Not that it stopped us - oh, no! We got married and thought it would straighten us out.

Ehhh, it didn't. Not that I would want to do it any other way... but it would be nice if my husband - of nearly 30 - had had a car payment before our joining. It would have been nice if I didn't massive trust issues. It would have been nice if my husband was ready to be an adult. We both have some growing up to do. Again, ehhhhh. Who knew marriage would cause my FIRST GRAY HAIRS? Plural people, plural.

My husband and I separated on Christmas night. We did it with the goal that we would figure out why we kept driving our marriage into a ditch. We did it with the hope that as we retreated to our safe corners, our epic love affair would sustain us. We prayed it wasn't, in fact, an epic fail.

And you know what, I love my husband. Heart my husband. Lurve my husband. And he feels the same way about me. This separation thingy is rockin' like gang busters. Yes, it sucks that we live across town. Yes, it sucks that we're still figuring stuff out. Pretty sure we're always going to do that.

But unlike some folks who separate, we realized that we liked each other... a lot, maybe even more than we realized. We're either crazy (totally likely), or we're crazy-in-love (uh oh uh oh oh), or we're a great story that's still being written.

So, my mom can be right. We're going to keep trying. And it's going to be one hell of a story.

Those hard decisions...

A few weeks ago I commented to my aunt that the landscape in front of me had changed. And no, I wasn't taking about the way spring suddenly lands in Tallahassee. Somehow - and all of a sudden - the choices that were in front of me were different.

They weren't "suck" and "sucks less." Somewhere I had turned a corner and the decisions I needed to make were clearer - and the "good" decision was finally on the table. It was so f'in odd -- it felt like putting on a really good pair of jeans that happen to have the added bonus of being a size smaller than you usually wear.

I am taking advantage of having the better option available. Pretty sure it won't last forever. After all, it's me we're talking about.

File Under Inaccurate

In an effort to do more things for me, I headed to the Florida Museum of History today. According to local legend, their Brown Bag Break series are not to be missed. It was a gorgeous day as I scurried from my busy office, excited to meet a friend and hear an interesting topic: Life and Times of Women in Tallahassee During the Civil War.

You know me, I love Southern history. And talking about women during the Civil War? I was stoked. I had never visited the Museum, never heard the historian and I was meeting a friend. How perfect? Right? RIGHT?

Ahem.
Y'all, I realize I can't trace my heritage to Lee's family tree. And I didn't actually use the word "y'all" until a stay in Hartsville, SC in early high school. But I know a little about the Civil War. I know a smidge about the feminism perspective in history. And I know when someone should stick to playing with their barbies.

Instead of a historian, we had a lady reenactor. One who questioned whether Citadel Cadets were involved with the whole Fort Sumter firecracker. One who flatly claimed women in the south never wore makeup. And one who couldn't answer any sort of question about women "below a certain means."

You may be wondering why I have my hoop skirt all twisted up. And there are a few things I feel snippy about and paying five dollars for parking is one of them. However, I'm upset about how - once again - women are marginalized. Instead of learning how to back up of the phrase steel magnolia, we heard about how women always (ALWAYS, y'all) wore gloves. We heard about how women "didn't work." We heard about ribbon bonnets. Thankfully, she didn't have a lot of information to share, since everything (EVERYTHING, y'all) was inaccurate. Well, maybe not about the ribbon bonnets.

Maybe my expectations were a little too high. Not the first time, won't be the last. However, I'm totally turned off by the museum (fail, people, fail).

I'll close with my all-time favorite quote about Southern Women from the estimable Florence King, from her collection of essays Southern Ladies & Gentlemen:

Novelists prefer complex women for their protagonists, which is why the Southern woman has been the heroine of so many more novels than her Northern sister. The cult of Southern womanhood endowed her with at least five totally different images and asked her to be good enough to adopt all of them. She is required to be frigid, passionate, sweet, bitchy and scatterbrained - all at the same time. Her problems spring from the fact that she succeeds.

Vegas, baby!

That's right - I'm headed to Vegas in a few weeks. To say that I'm excited would be an understatement. Yes, it's a work trip - and yes, I'll be working twelve hour days - and yes, it will be exhausting!

But I'll be in VEGAS! And since I'll be in Vegas, and I doubt my normal attire of jeans + t-shirt and cardigan (with flip flops, obv.) will just not work, I've been the ultimate online shopper.
Check that out? Like it? It's under $19.99 at Macy's - that's what I call supremo online shopping. And what do you call bargain basement prices when it's online? (Suggestions, please).

What do you think? Something about being a red head wearing red in Vegas - SIGN ME UP, BABY!

Confession #122

I have a confession to make (no, not that one). After canceling cable, I started watching Hulu with wild abandon. I discovered great new shows and one of them... One of them I am addicted to.

As in, have spent the last two weeks watching three seasons worth of one-hour programming. Y'all, the show is Greek on ABC Family. I'm not proud, but I'm not denying the love affair I have with Casey Cartwright and her nerdy brother Rusty.

I was in a sorority, and while it took me a while to warm up to the whole thing - this show brings back many silly, ridiculous and precious memories. I don't actually "recommend" this show - unless you need something to watch that is the equivalent of a twinkie or two-day old pizza. And since sometimes you need a twinkie-binge, now you'll know what to do. Enjoy responsibly!

Stacking Change

I had the best weekend. Y'all it was amazing. On so many levels - from a perfect drive through Atlanta to a perfect Zuni Chicken to absolutely perfect weather (yes, even with the rain).

There's been a lot of upheaval up in herre. Yes, that's correct - two r's. And what with husbands moving across town and paternal figures leaving nasty messages in the comment section (thank you, IP tracking), I deserved a weekend of nothing but fun. My Third Annual Aunties Weekend consisted of minimal email checking, lots of cooking and laughter that started the moment I woke up and followed me into my dreams.

Nonetheless, as I drove down the state of Georgia and back into Tallahassee, under the gorgeous hundred year old trees, I thought, "I'm home." And it was the best feeling of the whole weekend.

I miss South Carolina a lot. I've lived in Florida for three and a half years - it feels like a lifetime. A lifetime I'm proud of; a lifetime I'm glad I'm still living. I am from Greenville, South Carolina... and my home is Tallahassee. Guess it took starting my thirtieth year to gain that bit of perspective.

Four Years Later...

It's been four years since my first blog post here at me & my diet coke. FOUR YEARS. It's been sporadic, whiny, sometimes insightful - often not. I've written about boys, husbands and parents, weddings and relationship issues and my love affair with just about anything.

And I've really enjoyed it. Sometimes it feels like pressure - MUST WRITE BLOG POST - and other times I like the fact that folks keep in touch with me via this url. I appreciate it. Even though I might not talk with you each week - or in a quarter, it's nice to know you care enough to still check out how I'm doing.

Four years ago I was working on a Sunday, preparing for my 25th birthday and a trip to see my brother in DC. A lot changes in four years. I'm still at work - albeit in a different place, in a different career, in a different state. And tomorrow is still my birthday, the last one in my twenties. Twenty-nine. Can't wait.

I haven't seen my brother in a few years, but there's always hope that that awful fact may change. I have great friends - many the same, many more new. And just like January 8, 2006, I am overwhelmed at the possibilities of a new year. And hopefully, many more interesting posts.

Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree

Merry Christmas, all! I hope you were surprised, stuffed and fully satiated. Clearly rockin' my onesie (ridiculously cute, thank you Target!)

I'm enjoying some Grown-Up Chocolate Milk (courtesy of a DC trip with MSS) and watching Hotel Babylon on netflix. It's awesome. The best present of the day? A call from my Aunties this evening, cooing over my Christmas paper crafts. A close second? This guy.

My afternoon consisted of eating a ham sandwich and an IMAX 3D viewing of Avatar. Both were amazing.

I hope your weekend continues as pleasantly as mine will be...

a moment

Not-quite-white Christmas

For the last three years I have spent the holidays with my in-laws. Christmas not three minutes from the Gulf of Mexico is different. I know I write about it each year -- the warm weather takes some getting used to. The first year, I packed clothes for Christmas Eve Candlelight Service -- a wool skirt and tights. Normal, right?

Not when it's 72 degrees.

This year I will be in staying in Tallahassee for Christmas. And y'all -- while the snow is not 24 inches deep - it's cold here. Cold like I have to wear socks - which I never do. There's an extra blanket on my bed and the heat is definitely on.

And it feels like Christmas. Like Christmases from before 2006. All I need is a sleigh bell wreath and it is on.

Family Stone

Thanks to my Netflix membership, I've been enjoying Christmas movies up the yin yang. We're talking about back-to-back Holiday Inn and White Christmas features, which by the way, I don't recommend. I adore both, but they were shot using the same set, so it's a little strange.

Love Actually had it's moment, as did Meet Me in St. Louis. And now folks, we're on to The Family Stone. (man, is IMDB convenient!) I love The Family Stone. I remember how it was billed as this raucous comedy, when really it's a sweet family love story. Not romantic love, family love.

There's a scene where one of the daughters joins her napping mother. Each time I watch it, I swell with the memory of taking naps with my mom. I can remember the feel of the quilt on her bed, the softness of her pillow and the comfort and safety of those moments. Even though I know I'll never take another nap with my mother - and it's sort of sad - I love how a movie can take me back so viscerally.

That's why I love Christmas movies. You watch them every year, surrounded by familiar objects (my coral painted santa, three wise men and snow babies have been around forever). It smells the same - like evergreen and chocolate chip cookies baking.

And the best part about watching the same movies, over and over, year after year? While the movies don't change - Bing still croons and the Haynes Sisters still dance - you do. Each year, I'm older and supposedly wiser and I bring a whole year's worth of experiences, mistakes, expectations and growth to the tradition.

I know - after this hellacious year - I'm getting something out of this. Mainly comfort, but maybe next year (c'mon 2010) I'll get something even better. Whew, I knew I could make this post end with an optimistic slant.

ps. "You have the freak flag, Meredith, you just don't fly it." - The Family Stone

Coupons & Discounts.

I'm a bargain shopper, always have been. I adore a sales tag, a 20% discount, offers of free shipping. Give me a print-out coupon and I am one happy girl. Considering my limited financial situation as of late (NO, NOT CAUSED BY THE DAMN ECONOMY, THANKYOUVERYMUCH MIL), I have been cruising for discounts more than often.

Thought I'd share - as you may also be looking for an elusive 25% discount code for an online boutique or maybe just a way to save $20 bucks at Publix next week. Let's talk shopping first - Retail Me Not (www.RetailMeNot.com). I'm so thankful to these folks. The site compiles discounts, promo codes and coupons in one spot. Enter in a store - say Talbot's - and find coupons that range from 25% discounts to free shipping.

And the other not-so-secret secret? Groceries. Prior to Southern Savers (www.southernsavers.com), I was spending more than $100 a week on groceries. Now - oh my friends, we're talking about $100 every two weeks. Yes, that's right - I said TWO WEEKS. I have yet to buy ramen. Southern Savers succinctly and easily lays out a store's weekly sales flier and matches items with printable coupons. I'll admit, it takes more time to plan out the menus, etc -- but the savings are worth it.

Do you have any sites that help you save money? C'mon share - it'll feel good.

Morgan F'in Freeman

First, I apologize -- I totally should have used profanity. But I'm trying to be a better person and I'm starting with the small things. Second, MFF - or as I like to say: Morgan F'in Freeman, it sort of means a harebrained, pie-in-the-sky idea. Usually a stupid one.

This week started off well - beautiful weather, a decorated Christmas tree, productive work creativity. And then - then I ate a Bagel Bagel salad and it all changed. DAMN YOU ROMAINE! Within a few hours I giving my tummy a pep talk as it released the "toxins." Oh sweet Jesu, I was sick. Violently sick. I lost a whole day sick.

Then K. gets sick - not as bad - but sick all the same. And that means we were battling for access to our pre-war bungalow's one bathroom and drawing straws for gatorade runs. And all of a sudden, it's Morgan F'in Freeman all up in here.

I would have cried, but I had no tears. Go ahead, you feel sorry for me. It's okay. I feel sorry for me too. So, I'll leave you with my Tummy Pep Talk (soon to be patented - and/or laughed at).

Go on Tummy
You can do it!
Get rid of toxins,
Throw up what you need too -
Be strong Tummy!

(okay, so I'll admit it's not very good, but it helped when K. wouldn't sing Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer)

Insert Sigh of Contentment

Y'all. I have had the best weekend -- fo' real. Where do I start?

Thankful. Man, am I thankful. I know I've been complaining a lot lately. I admit I will never be one of those people who suffer in silence or sacrifice gracefully. If I have a terminal disease, I'm going to have a down day or week or month. I'm human and fully embrace my fragile optimism.

This weekend - four days off in a row - I have feasted and rested, mounded and soaked up sunshine, walked and stretched and thoroughly enjoyed myself. I've decided two Thanksgivings is really the way to go, you should try it yourself.

Gabbing about the gobble -- the Cooks Illustrated recipe is amazing -- simply the best turkey I have ever had the pleasure to eat. And, oh - we had pies. PIES. And mushrooms and green beans and freshly fried onions (never shall I return to canned soup in that holiday tradition).

I've watched movies, and watched the Gamecocks kick some tiger ass. I've read books and started decorating my home for Christmas and am ready for December (mostly). And I wish this was a little more substantial - had some greater message than "Man-oh-man, I am so content right now." However, since it has been some time since I can honestly admit my contentment - I'm ready to march in a parade.

What I Am Thankful For...

So let's just flip yesterday's post on its head, shall we?

I am grateful and thankful for the many blessings in my life, like:
1) good parking places at crowded shopping areas (I'm looking at you Publix)
2) folks who comment on my palmetto tree sticker or say "Go Gamecocks!" when walking past my car
3) the fact that the state of Florida charges so much for a divorce
4) new technology to play with
5) a steady hand when applying nail polish
6) a boss who brings Starbucks (almost) every Tuesday
7) my family who understands - usually without me having to fully explain
8) cold weather that makes it actually feel like Thanksgiving
9) Auto Tune the News (yes, seriously)
10) my ticket for New Moon this afternoon
11) great foodie blogs that make my mouth water and inspire my culinary exploits
12) the Leon County Library where you can check out text books from the CIA (no, the other one)
12) rain checks for free 12-packs of Diet Coke
13) catalogs from places where I will never shop
14) imagination that doesn't stop
15) Pandora.com and friends who share new music
16) more than one keyboard
17) people who make me laugh
18) kids who - by still believing in Santa - light up their parents' eyes in the depths of the toy department at Target
19) hair color and industrial strength conditioner
20) the $1 fountain Diet Cokes at McDonalds
21) the fact that I can *still* make this list

I'm thankful for my home, my car, my family -- all those "typical" things. I'm glad I'm healthy. I'm glad I find the humor in frugality. Heck, I'm glad I find the humor in most things, even though I might need an FBI detector and a flashlight.

I am grateful that I have a relationship with my God, and that it gives me something sort of like strength and peace combined.

I will be heading to New Moon this evening - and then prepping for a small Thanksgiving dinner on Thursday (and a much larger one on Friday). I hope you have a very thankful holiday - be safe.