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Friday, December 29, 2006

How the Lord has blessed us...

Published by cck at 9:49 AM

I've often struggled with my relationship with God. And, to be quite honest, I am rather glad that I have. Struggling is a good thing - I am convinced that it makes understanding and acceptance that much sweeter. I once had a counselor that told me that coping was really just another word for struggle. I have never looked that up and do not know if that is actually true, but I would like it to be.

It has been a tough year for me. Tough and immeasurably fantastic. 2006 was a whirlwind. I lost a friend - a dear friend, a best friend. She canceled my friendship with a quick flick of her wrist and a send button. I thought I might never recover. I did. I realized that she was not a friend - as loyal as she claimed to be - that would ever understand me, where I had been or where I was going. It wasn't necessarily her fault, being close minded, but it was better for both of us to part.

I left a job, took a better job and then left that one too. That was difficult. I struggled through several months, working with demanding clients while I "freelanced" (read: watched Charmed four times a day in my pajamas while designing stuff). I went on job interviews where Executive Directors and Presidents asked me where South Carolina was and why I had ever left. I was told I was overqualified time and time again when we all know that I am not. At one point, I even interviewed for an office manager -- I was going to answer phones. ! I was not qualified for that job either. And then, on a Thursday afternoon not too long ago, I found out that my whole household would be unemployed together.

Last week, before Christmas - we were blessed. I got a job that I will enjoy and thrive in -- that will enlist my skills to do something bigger than myself. And my guy will be doing what he wants to do - learning the ropes and squashing bills and making things happen in the Giant Wang. We are so blessed. It was incredible timing. For the first time in two months, I slept peacefully.

And let's not forget the biggest change in my life -- the fact that I found (and have been able to keep) the man who will be my partner through life. For Christmas - since we were both rather broke - I made him a blog. I wrote down memories and excerpts from emails and pictures from nearly every day we had been together. I wrapped up his laptop for under the tree and when he turned it on and saw what it was, he almost cried. I need him in a way I have never experienced. I don't need him to make me happy, but I want him there to be a part of it. I have never shared so completely or felt so safe or wanted to be something better as much as I do with this man. As much as JFall played a role in our meeting, God had a hand in bringing us together. There is no way this could have happened without His grace and guidance.

I realize that this whole blogging thing has sort of evolved. I promise to start talking about politics again at some point -- gosh, Session in South Carolina starts soon. But, my life has taken a major twist. Here I am, a Floridian. Here I am, an engaged woman (who will be married in a little more than four months). Here I am, feeling safe for the first time in my life.